Phillies Bring Rich Dubee Back for 2012 Out of Necessity, Fear

I can’t imagine trying to fire Rich Dubee.  I can’t even imagine having a conversation with him.  There’d probably be a lot of flop sweating and unprovoked apologies for no reason.  Then I assume he would just get up and leave with the lowest amount of respect for me that he has ever had for any person or animal.

I guess the real question is in what chain of command would I ever be ranked above Rich Dubee.

But the silent, white hot rage of Rich Dubee is something the Phillies or me will not have to worry about for another year, as they have decided to bring back not only their pitching coach, but the rest of the staff as well.

And this isn’t like a Braves “the whole coaching staff is coming back,” where the manager promises it to the press corps and the next day, the GM sends the hitting coach home in tears.  This is actually happening.

Chooch may be half of baseball’s greatest pitching battery three out of five nights a week in 2012, but he’s out there the whole time.  Dubee’s the guy whose got to trot on out there to the bump when Doc is at his most furious, Cole is at his most emotionally compromised, and Cliff is at his whateverest indifference.  Poking the bear is never a great idea, but watching the bear get poked and then trying to move in with it seems even more ill-advised.  And yet, that’s Dubee, day in and day out.

And what a lot of people forget is that there are other pitchers on this team other than the starting rotation.  When Bastardo swooned, Dubee was here to tell us how immediately they’d be snuffing out his tell.  When reporters demanded answers to their questions about Roy Oswalt, Dubee was there to say “Shut the fuck up,” if Roy wasn’t there to say it himself.  When Shane Victorino put a rubber snake in Kyle Kendrick’s hotel room, Rich Dubee was there to pretend to punch it to death and read KK a soothing a bedtime story.

He is an integral part of the team, and as an eight-year man, he is ingrained in their success.

Everybody else is too–Pete Mackanin is there to talk people down, Juan Samuel is there to point authoritatively, Sam Perlozzo is there to pretend to be Davey Lopes, and Mick Billmeyer is there to answer the bullpen phone.

Greg Gross is also there.

And despite the Red Sox interest in poaching Mackanin to take the reins of their comical, drunken sideshow act and Charlie Manuel’s public endorsement of Dubee as Master of the Universe, at the moment, they all seem to be interested in maintaining that 2011 magic.

So, as they say in Remember the Titans, “Attitude reflects leadership.”  And fortunately, the Phillies have so simmering racial issues to overcome, I assume.  And that team went onto a perfect record, so can we conclude that the Phillies will not lose another game under this coaching staff?  Yes we can.

I mean what were they going to do?  Fire Rich Dubee?