NL East Infection: Let’s Get Julio Teheran an Award of Some Kind

Atlanta Braves

The Braves are one of those pompous organizations that likes to give out “awards” to their “players” so they know how “good they are.”  And not only that, but their farm system is “loaded” with “talent” to a “horrifying degree.”  So it could probably make the decision making a little hard.

One decision that wasn’t hard was naming Julio Teheran every single award there is in the world.  He was named the top overall pitcher in their system which, again, has a metric ton of fuck-blasting hurlers.  And because that wasn’t enough:

“The right-hander was also named the International League’s 2011 Most Valuable Pitcher, Rookie of the Year and starting pitcher on the IL’s Postseason All-Star Team. Additionally, the Cartagena, Colombia native was named the starting pitcher for the 2011 XM MLB All-Star Futures Game and was voted by his Gwinnett teammates as Most Outstanding Pitcher for the season.”

Fortunately, he is the sole phenom being churned up through system of an NL East baseball team.  So, breathe a sigh of relief.  Go ahead.  Breathe it.

Washington Nationals

What I thought was going to be some prose on how to be a fan of a losing team turned out to be a skewering analysis of the Running of the Presidents.  This article by Andrew Kinback takes into account the motives behind the parts of baseball that, when viewed out of context, make us all look buffoonish, or perhaps insane.  They also make us look this way in context.  So.

“We all might not understand the fascination with things like the races and the wave, but these things are all part of the fan experience. The broader you can make it, the better. Diehard baseball fans will never get it.”

They’re prepping to close up shop on another losing season for Teddy Roosevelt, but all is not lost.  For instnace, does anybody else view Stephen Strasburg as this inevitable, horrible thing, lurking at somewhere in the future?  Yeah, me neither.  That’s why information like this doesn’t make my stomach go “arrrrgggh.”

Also I taste blood.

New York Mets

Remember a few months ago, when Terry Collins reached his breaking point?  Well, he reached another one, which I think officially makes him a “broken man.”

“Perception is reality in our game and the perception I have right now is we’ve folded it up… Our fans should be upset. I don’t blame them one bit.”

Terry Collins

So clearly–

“Obviously this is an awful time, an awful time.  And I’ll tell you what, as I’ve said many times before, I’m responsible. I’m the manager of this team and I’m responsible for it.”

…okay?  You… finished?  Okay.

So yeah, clearly this season has been a little rough on Terry.  Feels like it was just yesterday, anything was possible amidst the wet grass and butt slaps in Port St. Lucie.  Then, suddenly, an awful thing happened to the Mets:  The regular season started.  And so, as we prepare to close another chapter in contemporary Mets history, let us remember that all of this is very, very funny to the rest of us.

“There are still things and hopes to hang on to.”

–R.A. Dickey

Ha, ha, ha.

Florida Marlins

By the loose-hanging skin on Jack McKeon’s facial-sack, the Marlins were bad this year.  Remember June?  Holy shit.  And then August?  What were they even doing out there?

My point is, here is a man pretending to be a high school principal shouting at the Marlins for being terrible.