The Phillies may have clinched playoff berth, but they’re not the only ones finding out what goes on afterward. The Lehigh Valley IronPigs are also working their way toward a trophy, so join us as we chronicle their march to victory with astonishing bias.
Nate Bump took the mound for Game 2 of the International League playoff series between the Lehigh Valley IronPigs and the Columbus Shitbirds with no idea that he would not be awarded a victory on account of a horrendous screwjob.
With a runner on first, Bump hurled a 1-2 pitch that appeared to be a called third strike, but was deemed a ball, probably to spare batter Argenis Reyes’ feelings. Either that or the umpires were instructed to do what they could to stretch the playoff series as long as possible in order to keep that sweet, sweet Triple-A money rolling in.
Either way, Reyes eventually doubled off the outfield wall and wound up on second base with a smile on his face instead of in the dugout weeping inconsolably like he should have been.
Then Mike Zagurski entered the game–at this point I should probably mention that Bump allowed only two hits through the first seven innings in an attempt to emulate the Phillies 1-0, pitching dominated performance happening just one level away–and I think you know what that means.
Zagurski started things off with a walk, but only because he was ordered to, and now the bases were loaded. And then the IronPigs got the Kyle Kendrick Special:
- Sac fly
- Wild Pitch
When the smoke cleared, it was now 4-1 Columbus, making Tagg Bozied’s solo home run a complete waste of everybody’s effing time.
The paper’s are saying that Columbus’ starter Mitch Tablot pitched a hell of a game but I don’t know anything about that. I mean what kind of pitcher gives up a home run and still deserves credit for being good ever?