IronPigs Apparently Not Porking Around with Playoff Berth

Brandon Moss was your hero last night, hitting a first-inning home run to give the IronPigs an early 3-0 lead, humiliating the Columbus Something or Others in their own stadium.  The eventual 5-2 win gave Lehigh Valley a critical leg-up in the series and brought on a wave of “pig” “bacon” and “hog” puns, some of which made no sense but were used in headlines anyway.

The Phillies may have clinched playoff berth, but they’re not the only ones finding out what goes on afterward.  The Lehigh Valley IronPigs are also working their way toward a trophy, so join us as we chronicle their march to victory with astonishing bias.

According to Jeff Schuler at The Morning Call, Moss had strutted into BP earlier and announced Huntington Park was a “hitter’s park,” which he knew from going 12-for-49 there in the past.

Scott Podsednik, whom you’ll remember is in the Phillies minor league system, also drove in a run on a heroic ground out, leading Columbus’ ace Zach McAllister to quickly begin questioning his self-worth, the self-worth of all human beings, and the existence of god; standard practice for a minor league pitcher who gives up four runs in the first two innings of a playoff game.  By the time Cody Overbeck homered off him in the ninth, McAllister was a shattered man screaming indecipherable insults at the sky.

Scott Mathieson started for the IronPigs and had a less soul-destroying performance than his counterpart, going five innings with two strikeouts.  A platoon of relievers split Columbus’ hopes and dreams amongst the remaining 12 outs, including Joe Savery, Phillippe Aumont, and Justin De Fratus, who K’d Colombus first baseman Jared Goedert so hard he needed his spine readjusted to end the game.  No word yet on how many things Dom Brown did incorrectly.

If the Pigs can maintain this momentum, they’ll have their hands on that precious Governor’s Cup in no time.  Which I believe is handed over to them in a ceremony where Tom Corbett will slash his own hand, drip blood into a massive trophy–joining the dried blood of hundreds of past governors–and the blood will then drunk by each member of the Lehigh Valley roster, giving them sweet, sweet immortality.