Hal Bodley Has Some Concerns About Jamie Moyer

“Knowing when it’s time to go is one of the most difficult decisions for baseball players — for any professional athlete.

Moyer insists he’ll know, but I wonder.”

Hal Bodley sits up in his bed at night, sweating profusely.

“My god!  What about Jamie?!” he exclaims, already rolling out off the bed and into his chair by the typewriter.  The hammering keystrokes of the machine awaken his wife, but Hal has long forgotten that other people can hear him say and do things.

And that’s how we wind up with think pieces like this one, brilliantly titled “Jamie Moyer is Older Than a Pro Baseball Player Should Be, but He Still Wants to Play!  Weird, Right?”

“Why?” Hal asks at the beginning of this article, then doesn’t provide an answer.  Instead, we learn about Jamie’s injury in 2010 and why he isn’t playing now.  Which is important to the story, yes, but come on.  Everybody knows Jamie Moyer is 49 and hurt.  That’s his schtick.  And if you don’t know that, well,  the information is in Hal’s real headline.

What I’m saying is, I’m a curious party.  You got me, Hal.  I want to know why Jamie thinks he can come back.  Tell me.

“Why not?” Jamie replies.

“Because you’re 49, Jamie,” said everyone to their computer screens.  “Because you just underwent your fifth surgery in two years.  Unless you’re not worried about getting the ball to home plate, you can’t pretend those things are nonfactors.”

But Hal has exposition to paint!  So let’s strap in for a ride on the Bodley-coaster.

“He and wife Karen have eight children. Son Dillon was drafted in 2010 by the Twins and currently plays baseball for the University of California.

Will Moyer really know when he can no longer pitch?”

Ambush!

Now that’s a transition.

You don’t get a good explanation of where this interview took place, so I’ll bet Hal hid in Jamie’s closet and jumped out wearing a “PRESS” hat.  Jamie, face full of shaving cream stumbles backwards, finally realizes what’s happening and decides to humor Hal’s efforts during his morning coffee with some answers we probably could have guessed.

“Repeating: Why do you think you can do it?”

Aaa!  Second ambush!  More startling than the first!

He then asked himself the ages-old question: “How do you really know?”

That’s what Jamie Moyer wants to find out.

Well, that settles it.

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Tags: Bodley-coaster Hal Bodley Jamie Moyer

  • edrenfro

    I completely empathize with this guy. Lately I’ve been panicked that Chase Utley won’t know when it’s time to change his Glad Plugins. Loved ones have tried to assure me that when the time is right he will know but how can any of us know for sure?!