Finally, we get answers for some of our most fiery Houston-related questions.
1. The hell’s an “astro”?
You know, that dog on “The Jetsons.”
2. What’s this I hear about the Astros moving to the AL? As far as possible moves go, that feels akin to moving out of a haunted house into one that’s about to be demolished. I say that assuming the Astros will only ever be as good as they are now, though. So. Hopefully that’s a way off base.
A move to the A.L. West would totally suck. It’s hard enough to stay up until midnight when we play the occasional Dodgers, Padres, or Giants series. No one in Houston wants to stay up that late for aquarter of the schedule, especially if the team does stay this bad forever. The Diamondbacks have already offered to move but Bud Selig seems to have his head up his ass on this subject. Actually I could have left out the last three words in that sentence.
3. A few months ago, the Sixers were bought by an enthusiastic millionaire, spreading an electric buzz of anticipation throughout the city. Actually, no one noticed because as the news was breaking, the Phillies were doing something. How does the inevitable shift in Astros ownership look to figure into the organization’s move forward? And how many of Jim Crane’s Terrible Secrets will be leaked before it happens?
This soap opera has gone on long enough. Everyone in the media, including myself, has already dragged Jim Crane’s name through the mud repeatedly. Again, Bud, shit or get off the pot.
4. Will Astros fans root for Philly in the playoffs because of Roy and Hunter? And Brad I guess? Or is Shane Victorino despicable to other teams enough to ruin any post season alliances? People seem to seriously hate him.
How could anyone hate The Flyin’ Hawaiian? That guy is awesome! I will root for the Phillies because my best friend is a Phillies fan. (No, I’m not talking about you, Justin) [EDITOR'S NOTE: Dude. Harsh.] I suspect many Astros fans will join me rooting for the Phils. We hate Milwaukee.
5. How good will the 2016 Astros be? And how much will be made of their team being made up of Phillies recruits? And will the Phillies still be good? Just tell me that everything will be perfect forever and we’ll move on.
2016 will be a decent year for the Astros. No one will remember where Singleton came from. But he will be raking. The Phillies will probably suck by then. They have a lot of old players. [EDITOR'S NOTE: Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhh that didn't help at all]
6. What giveaway could Minute Maid Park have tonight to sell the place out?
Maybe a ten ounce gold bar would do the trick. No one would actually pay money to see these guys get pounded.