Some may have thought there was cause for concern when my only tweet in five days was this one.
But I assure you, everything is fine, as far as the police know, and now that the “weekend” is over, we can get back to things that matter, like how many games before the Phillies just hurry up and clinch playoff berth already.
So, what’s in the news.
- Vance Worley lost a game. Ruining the expectations of everyone who assumed he was the next Steve Carlton, despite not being left-handed or living underground.
- We’re headed back to Houston, a phrase that by now jogs the memories of about half the Phillies roster. I’m sure you remember the place; the Phillies spent a few days with the Astros just mere months ago. The season was young then, and far more innocent, as the Phils’ months-long terror spree against the National League was only in its fledgling stage.
- Chase Utley is prepared to start playing that concussions-first style of baseball he likes. Hooray!
- And the Phillies are at the top of something called the Spring Power Rankings, which obviously judges a team by how many of its players are currently overpowering head injuries to return to the game they love.
- Wait a–this is a link dump. I never do these. I’m going to go back and take out all the links.
- Now its just a bunch of bullet points with news you already know with some mediocre-at-best jokes mixed in. I’ll bet I thought it would get funnier if I got all meta and self aware and shit.
- It didn’t.