Raul Ibanez Uses Time Off to Increase Groin-Power


The human groin is the strongest muscle in nature.  At least, it has the potential to be.  Like any muscle.

The point is, we all have one, and with enough exercise, weight lifting, careful grooming, and cybernetic enhancements, the groin can become the most unstoppable force in your neighborhood.  Which for you can bring a wave of self-confidence, and for your neighbors it will bring alarm at all the robotics surrounding your crotch.  

Truly, the groin is far more than a punchline with an unattractive name.  In vascular surgery, many surgeons will tell you it is the key entry point for a catheter.  And I’m sure there are other things.

Raul Ibanez’s groin, however, is getting older and more easily strained.  What seemed to be a day or two of rest now has him relaxing on the bench with his groin since last week, allowing the perfectly-groined John Mayberry to take his place.

However, this isn’t to say that Raul is just sitting there with his broken groin, grinding his teeth from the pain.  The old man is out there, taking outfield practice, conversing with Mayberry, whispering words of encouragement to his own groin, and demanding to know what in the hell people are looking at when he does so.

“I was thinking about playing [Ibanez], today but at the same time, he needs some work in the outfield to see how much he can run.”

–Charlie Manuel

Yes, it will only be a matter of time until Raul regains his cat-like speed, cat-like agility, and cat-like ability to bat a small, round object about comically.

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Tags: Charlie Manuel Groins John Mayberry Outfield Raul Ibanez