Ryan Howard Suffering From What’s Known as “Weakness”

As we have all widely accepted, Ryan Howard is terrible.

Therefore, there is no reason to get all worked up about him possibly hurting himself.  I mean, if he can’t even swing a bat without hurting himself, what’s the point of having him bat clean up?  What’s he even doing on this team?  Trade him, I say.  Trade everybody.  Just burn it all down and start over; the stadium, the city, America… all of it.  We need a fresh start.

"“I’m cool.”–Ryan Howard"

Like we’re going to believe that, no matter how charmingly or with how charismatic a grin it is said.  We all saw the trainer looking at you, Ryan; there’s no need to hide the truth.  At this point, the least you could do is be honest with us.  Well, the least you could do is sit on the bench and not knocking in any of those runners who are nice enough to get on base, but remember, doing that doesn’t make you very good anyway.

Is it a little premature to call this season a total failure for Ryan Howard?  No.  He hasn’t hit nearly enough home runs to pay for the “Howard Home Run” computer graphics the stadium bought to put up after each of his dingers.  That’s a net loss, people.  And that’s before I even go off on a completely unnecessary tangent about his contract.  I mean, sure, maybe I don’t “understand it” or even “recall what it entails,” but I don’t have the kind of time to research that stuff.  I’m far too busy being consumed by fiery hatred.

"“He also described the discomfort as ‘weakness’ in the hand.”—Todd Zolecki"

Please.  2007 Ryan Howard would never admit to any weakness.  Why, I remember one reporter asking him about a possibly injury and Ryan responded by lifting a tanker truck over his head 20 times, then put an exclamation point on the display by putting his fist through the guy’s face.  Now he’s getting and ‘MRI?’  That’s the ‘flowery sun dress’ of medical procedures.

This team is screwed.