Ruben Amaro Finally Tracks Down, Signs Jack Cust

You remember Jack Cust, don’t you?  He’s one of those guys–the other being Justin Smoak–with a name that sounds like he walks into old-timey bars and finds a reason to kick the ass of each individual person.  Somehow, each of the reasons is a pretty good one, even for the children.

He played for the Mariners and then the A’s, possibly in the reverse order of what I just said, but in either case, he’s been an AL West floater for the past few years, and even clawed his way into some league leader categories a few times.  The categories were walks (once) and strikeouts (three times).

Despite his under-the-radarism and the possibility that players just become good when they join the Phillies, Ruben and his street gang of vicious killers/assistant GMs met Jack outside of one his bars, reached an agreement, and then took off in a slick sports car together for victory drinks at RJ McClenigan’s infamous happy hour.  Being a GM must be totally boss.  Well, being Ruben Amaro must be totally boss.

It’s a minor league agreement, so don’t worry about coming up with some quirky sign or anything and don’t look forward to wrapping another new player in the warm embrace of Philadelphia love (Which at times can be mistaken for “rather aggressive Philadelphia choking”).

See, many folks probably thought Hunter Pence was the signing Ruben was gunning for, but once again, after the smoke and mirrors of another trade deadline, Ruben has slipped in and made an acquisition that could change everything.  Yes; that potential technically exists in any acquisition, as Cody Ross taught us last year.  But this is Ruben, and I refuse to believe he does anything without seeing it end in some sort of parade down the road.

Besides, the guy and his family operate their own baseball academy.  Not many people can claim that.  My family might, but “screaming at the neighborhood kids for using the fat wiffle ball bat instead of the skinny yellow one” apparently doesn’t count as a “baseball academy.”