Braves Refuse to Admit How Embarrassing 10,000 Losses Are

10,000 losses is a lot.  The Braves hit the milestone amidst a scene of desperate Fish and sarcastic clapping.  Don’t let their backup catcher David Ross fool you.  They were devastated.

“The 10,000th win wasn’t a big deal to anyone in this clubhouse.  Same with 10,000 losses. The one thing that tells me is baseball is basically a .500 game over long periods of time.”

–David Ross

If that doesn’t sound like a grown man holding back tears, then my expertise on watching adults cry has dulled over the years since watching my parents start sobbing openly when I finally got through a talentless rendition of “Smoke on the Water” on the cornet in the 8th grade talent show.

We got to 10,000 awhile ago, and have been reaching our filthy tentacles out from the basement for some time, searching for company.  It took three years, but we finally managed to drag the Braves screaming down the steps.

They may have tried to dilute the humiliation by trading for Michael Bourn, but this was a thin curtain of desperation, easily yanked aside by those of us with keen emotional detectors.

So don’t listen to the Braves when they say, “We don’t care,” or “We didn’t lose all 10,000 of these games.”  This is the sort of mentally grating achievement that inspires habitual drug use, or in our case, four consecutive division flags.  Now is the time to jump on them, when they’re clearly dwelling on their organization’s most abysmal failures.

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