Archive for August, 2011

Seriously. 3-0 Phillies win.

The Scottsdale Scorpions, which, despite having a goofy, alliterative name, is not a team from a Matt Christopher book about a kid who starts playing baseball, suffers a minor setback involving injury, confidence, or magic, and eventually overcomes the odds.

Wheeler’s campaign reportedly lost momentum when he called the HOF committee to thank them and wound up telling a pointless, rambling story about a “neat hat” he saw in a store once.

28-year-old John Bowker, who has performed these tasks for the Giants and Pirates in the past, will serve as the likely replacement for Gload, whose base running has been accompanied by a haunting, mechanical sound that opposing infielders have described as “…just awful; like a bag screws in a dryer.”

Ryan Howard hit a two run home run off of him in the fourth inning and that would have been enough for Halladay. Halladay added a bases loaded double in the sixth to put the game out of reach. Maybe Bronson should put his hair in corn rows again….then again maybe he should just retire.

First of all, it’s happening. Don’t try and dissuade the notion; Jamie is coming back to baseball like a 20-mph freight train.

Global warming! Genocide! My parents bought the dog more birthday presents than I got! Better watch the Phillies now, because happiness is fleeting!

Truly, the groin is far more than a punchline with an unattractive name. In vascular surgery, many surgeons will tell you it is the key entry point for a catheter. And I’m sure there are other things.

Hamels struck out seven and made the Reds look silly all night. He threw six innings and looked really sharp for his first start back. Welcome back Cole.

Sometimes, they try to improve the world they live in rather than just engage hopeless buffoons on the internet who require not only the success of the Phillies, but the failure of their enemies to be truly happy.