Phillie Phanatic Goes on Rampage Through Philadelphia Airport

The Phillie Phanatic escaped from his handlers the other day and ran rampant through the Philadelphia Airport for an entire afternoon, leading to Phillies broadcaster Scott Palmer to accidentally let it slip just what species the enormous, alarmingly fun-loving creature is.

The Phillies were pulling a “Jeff Francoeur” and letting an airline dictate their actions.  The difference being, of course, that this was a temporary arrangement, rather than the deal Francoeur signed with Delta in blood on a cold mountaintop under a full moon that allowed them to permanently penetrate his colon and turn him into a soulless commercial meat puppet for their amusement.

“We just show him love, because it’s Philadelphia and Southwest Airlines,” said a Southwest Airlines employee, watching sadly as the Phanatic rampaged through the tarmac, delaying flights and attempting to mate with a stack of luggage.

"“I’ve never seen a guy who is so at home, especially being a flightless bird, who looks like he might fly the airplane.”–Scott Palmer"

Palmer’s attempt at irony went mostly unnoticed as the arrival and departures boards began filling with delayed and cancelled flights.  The appearance of Shane Victorino and John Mayberry did little to quell the frustrations and sadness of watching a Philadelphia icon dryhump a screaming child’s rollaway. The traumatizing nature of the incident undoubtedly carried over to the Phillies’ series with the Giants, to whom they lost their first series since June three days later.