Shane Victorino Finished Beating up Farmhands, Wants Job Back

According to accounts, Shane Victorino’s Double-A field trip involved unsafe experiments, reckless self-endangerment, and humiliation in front of thousands of people.

"“That’s how I play the game. I play at one speed. Sometimes, that gets me into trouble.”–Shane Victorino"

Shane isn’t one of these guys who “acknowledges a problem,” “learns from the past,” or “slows down.”  He’s got one speed, and its “insanity.”  Never is this more obvious than now, when he is about to return to the lineup after a DL stint, despite still clearly being injured.

"“He is anything but fully ready.”–Reading Phils manager Mark Parent"

Shane would probably play with a bucket stuck on his head–blindly swinging the bat around as the catcher and umpire wonder what the hell he’s doing in the first base coach’s box and everyone hesitates to correct him because Sam Perlozzo looks pretty unconscious.

But, if the Phillies medical staff seems okay letting him back onto the field, then so be it.   However, Shane did cause a play at the plate, was thrown out stealing , and got all the way to third base before Mark Parent reminded him that he had hit a foul ball.  Brad Lidge thought it was hilarious, then went back to not playing any Major League Baseball in 2011.

The point is, everybody seems to be aware that the Shane we’re getting back is still somewhat damaged.  Therefore, we should expect him to be perfectly fine, with the added bonus of having him back earlier than we thought.  Another added bonus:  There is no bucket stuck on his head.

"“You saw – he was pulling that hand off in his follow through.  But that will be between him and the Phillies’ training staff.”–Mark Parent"

Why don’t you cram it, Mark Parent.