It seems that the Nationals rolled over in bed last night and asked Jayson Werth where their relationship was going.
“I definitely miss my teammates in Philly and I miss playing there and all that. But I’ve turned the page and I feel good about my decision. I see the future of this organization and where it’s going, and I’m really satisfied and I really like it here. When I’m in my seventh year, I think I’ll look back and go, ‘That was a really good career move.’ “
Well, la diddly dah, Jayson, trying to… be all appreciative and… and… saying things that are, like… compliments, really, but also… but also mean in their own, uh… beard.
Look, I may have shown my hand by using the phrase “la diddly dah,” but I’m not sure I’m at all comfortable with this. Outward insults are easy to respond to. You just shout louder, more outward insults. But nostalgia? How do you interrupt that? It’s like stopping an old man’s heroic war story to take a phone call from a penis enlargement pill salesman. That shit just doesn’t sell. And I don’t mean the pills. They sell quite well. Lot of bonerless marriages out there.
So what are we doing here. I guess now that the Nationals are winning more than ever, Jayson finds his surroundings amicable. It wasn’t too long ago he was trying to rebound with a pair of explosive standing ovations from us and then making weird, ambiguous threats about his new organization.
Apparently Jayson Werth’s feelings are incredibly pertinent to the news cycle. Our excuse here is that we are a Phillies blog, who often comment solely on feelings, whether they are of Phillies players, ex-Phillies players, or our own.
But perhaps this is the threshold for The Adventures of Jayson Werth being pertinent to the Phillies news cycle. Maybe Jayson Werth news will be Washington Nationals news from now on, without anybody reporting it and then winking suggestively at Philadelphia. Maybe the next time Jayson lashes out with outward insults we can just smirk and turn to the next page of the newspaper, assuming we live in a future where paper is still used as a resource and our news isn’t presented to us by alarmingly intelligent sentient robots quietly planning the destruction of humanity.
Maybe everybody else has already reached that point and I’m lagging behind emotionally because I accidentally saw 80% of Little Manhattan tonight and an episode of “Battlestar Galactica.”