Dude can't even make the final out of a division-clinching game without dislocating a hip.

Shane Victorino Describes Lead in All-Star Vote as “…good”


Shane Victorino wins most races because he is fast, willing to slap the ball out of a glove, and Hawaiian.  But he’s finally found one competition that can’t be won by natural ability, borderline cheating, or regional heritage.  No, this time, he’ll have to rely on his charisma, dedication, and Hawaiian-ness to come out a winner.  So I guess I was wrong about “regional heritage.”

Even so, kids, remember–this is why it pays to be multi-talented.  To win popularity contests.

Shane currently leads the race for the last NL All-Star spot, giving Andre Ethier, Ian Kennedy, two other guys, and Todd Helton who is clearly getting a sympathy nod because of being an old man.  I mean, does he even want to play an extra game this year?  You’d think he’d rather just find a warm spot by the Staring Window to nod off for a day or two.

Anyway, that’s who Shane’s beating–Ethier, Kennedy, two blank slates, and an old man who’d rather be napping.  Comcast gave Shane plenty of opportunities to speak directly into the camera yesterday both before and after the game in which he did not play.  When told of his lead, he shouted with much excitement:

“That’s good so far.”

Not exactly the same enthusiasm he had two years ago, when he was wandering the streets of South Philadelphia with Michael Nutter, pounding on people’s doors and demanding their support in his All-Star campaign.  He knew his audience.  If there’s one thing South Philadephians respond to, its TV cameras on their doorsteps.  And when there wasn’t even a teenage riot or shrieking crackhead choirs to coincide with the appearance of a news van, well. That is one memorable Tuesday.

Everyone knows that Shane’s energy level is directly related to how his thumb feels, so he is understandably restrained, albeit it at a poor time to be so.  If he is truly going to run away with the contest, we’re going to have to see him go into full-on, base path tornado, open-hand-slapping-the-opposing-first-baseman, Hawaiian Thunder mode.  Which I would assume is difficult to achieve from the bench.

The ability to win, though, is in our hands.  This is one of those contests that is won by simply outlasting the competition through feverish, obsessed voting.  And now that the internet’s been invented, that sort of behavior is easier than ever before.

Of course, should we even be trying so hard to get an injured player and offensive threat into an optional game before the second half of the season?  Yes.  Because then everyone will see how popular he is.  And like I said, that’s the whole point of everything.

Tags: All-Star Game National League Phillies Shane Victorino Vote