Archive for June, 2011

UnbeLEEvable!  Baseball jamboLEE!  Major LEEgue baseball! I kind of wish that people would try to cram Halladay into terribly constructed attempts at clever wordplay.  The name Lee is short enough for every closet poet to throw off the shackles of Philistinism in an attempt to finally prove to their parents that they know how to write.  LEEve it to the professionals folks.

Are we supposed to freak out or not? Because I was up until four this morning sharpening my pitchfork. If you try to tell me that was a waste of time, I might just lose my shit anyway.

Wow. This game started out as a pitchers duel and ended up with the Philadelphia Phillies enjoying an eight run lead. The Cardinal bullpen allowed nine runs in the top of the eighth inning. They accomplished this without using launching pad reliever Ryan Franklin.

As if a grown man in his twenties wouldn’t be interested in a Shane Victorino backpack.

Both of our teams have those fans that like to keep getting into it and going back and forth [EDITOR'S NOTE: I have no idea what you're talking about] but it’s a game, and we need to move on.

Florida Marlins As you’ve read on the internet, the Marlins’ manager ran screaming from the clubhouse.  They’ve replaced him with Jack McKeon of 2003 championship team, who sources say is a very old person.  How old is he?  Jack McKeon is so old: When he was born, they were still calling marlins “sea monsters” and hunting them with sharpened sticks. He used to watch Julio Franco play stickball. He can’t play Oregon Trail without lapsing into PTS and screaming “THEY WERE SO YOUNG, BUT WE WERE SO HUNGRY.”

  Jason Vargas.  Soft tossing left hander with a career earned run average right around four.  When a pitcher of this shit bag’s pedigree shuts down your favorite baseball team, rage seizures will almost certainly follow.  In the previous game, the Phillies offense beat Felix Hernandez with their fifth starter on the mound.  Fast forward to the next day and they can’t hit a journeyman pitcher who has barely been hanging around the major leagues for the last five seasons. Vargas three hit the Phillies with Ryan Howard tallying 2/3 of the teams hit output.  The Mariners got two runs [...]

I suggest something that stems from him healing his shoulder by grabbing a spark plug and getting electrocuted. “Elect-Roy-Ic?” That might piss him off even more. But you get the idea.

Board games are still around, right? Sure they are. How else are stoned college students passing the time between 711 runs and failing at life?

Victorino stayed hot as evidenced by his aforemented failed attempt to purge David Bell from the record books. Howard went 2-4 with an RBI and Jimmy Rollins was 3-4.