Who is Adam Rosales?

Roy Oswalt’s back is broken, Ryan Madson’s hand is going to fall off and Jose Contreras’s elbow has just exploded.  In addition the Phillies starting nine is mostly comprised of old, brittle husks of what used to comprise a potent offense.  The Oakland A’s series came at a time when there is certainly a palpable sense of dread throughout the Phillies fan base.

The first two games in the series did little to quell the swelling firestorm of hysteria.  The Phillies followed being shut down by a marginal major league pitcher by being shut down by a good major league pitcher.  The Phillies manager to eek one run across the plate through 7 2/3 innings against Oakland ace Trevor Cahill.  Cahill doesn’t look like he should be able to play baseball, possibly resembling your pudgy neighbor that used to play high school baseball.  Last night, much like the majority of the pitchers facing the Phillies lately, he resembled Cy Young.

Can I borrow your lawnmower?

There may be little offense to speak of, but the aces that don’t have broken backs have been really good.  Cole Hamels continued to be good at baseball by throwing eight innings of two run baseball.  He allowed an opposite field home run to Walt Weiss (I am inserting Weiss’s name in place of actual starter Adam Rosales due to the fact that no one has ever heard of Adam Rolsales) and another run aided by a lazy throw from Shane Victorino.  The A’s added two unnecessary runs in the ninth inning to make the score 4-1.

Even with their offensive struggles, a win tomorrow will give the Phillies another series win and they still have the best record in major league baseball.  Also, don’t let the fact that the Braves scored ten runs last night fool you.  Their offense has been every bit as bad as the Phillies offense.  So in summation, the Phillies may not score that much, but they still have a good record and their closest competitor can’t score either.

It turns out that Roy’s back is bad, but not broken and Madson should be back in a few days.  Maybe today’s modern medical miracle workers can find a way to harvest the working parts of another human being to install them into a more deserving vessel.  My point here is that Danys Baez has a perfectly good spine and right elbow that could be better utilized by other players on the team.  Come on Baez, be a team player.

The Phillies go for the series win tomorrow with Roy Halladay matching up with former Phillies farmhand Josh Outman.

Topics: Cole Hamels, No Offense, Oakland Athletics, Philadelphia Phillies, Trevor Cahill

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  • edrenfro

    If the Giants’ last season was “torture” then the current Phillies season of advanced interrogation techniques has surely added another weapon to the arsenal. Surely, watching Lewis Skolnick chug around the bases at full-speed on a “walk” or home run is enough to make anyone break. Ugh. What a terrible thing to happen on Father’s Day.