Just after Cliff Lee reeled in the Marlins, beat them to death with an oar, and tossed them back into the ocean to traumatize their fish families, the Phillies announced that lefty walk specialist J.C. Romero was no longer a part of the team.
Best known recently for walking everybody, Romero has seen his role in Philadelphia evolve as time went on:
- Significant contributor to World Series title
- Drug abuse specialist
- Civil lawsuit filer
- Fan-attack consultant
- Mishandled bullpen option
- David Herndon-replacer
- Strained forearm haver
In his place, the bespectacled Vance Worley will be brought up and forced to fly to Seattle, where he will pitch against the team with the lowest .OBP and second lowest .SLG.