NL East Infection: The Sheer Joy of Owning the Mets
By Justin Klugh
Extra! Extra! MLB considers dumb thing front page news!
New York Mets
What will MLB find hidden within the labyrinthine wording of David Einhorn’s purchase of the Mets? Treachery? Deceit? Cold War missile codes? Carlos Beltran’s knee? Some trapped, disgruntled Mets investor who tumbles out of the paperwork and immediately sues everybody?
With enough money to pay for Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s divorce and a grin that seems to say, “When I sleep at night, snakes crawl out of my mouth,” Einhorn is baseball’s latest playboy. Very soon, he will reap all the benefits that owning one third of the Mets permits, such as:
- Seats in Citi Field that are “marginally safe” from falling debris
- Mechanical shield that raises to protect him from watching a Jason Bay AB
- Doesn’t have to pay obscene $10.50 add-on fees for tickets*
- Other things, probably
*For day games in which Johan Santana is pitching
Atlanta Braves
The Good: The Braves just teamed up with Emory University School of Medicine to create a website that helps veterans get help for PTSD.
The Bad: Now there’s video of Derek Lowe’s conversation with police officers just after his totally innocent high speed drunk-race, and you better believe it isn’t available for public viewing.
The Uggla: Dan Uggla is the 856th most “valuable” player in fantasy baseball, which is only several hundred ranks higher than me.
Florida Marlins
The Marlins have made our going 4-5 on a gimme-gimme road trip a bit easier by not salvaging a single win out of the last five games. It can’t help that Hanley Ramirez has been playing like Michael Martinez. He just got DL’d, which is weird, considering it feels like only three days ago when his back was improving.
But he’ll be trotting half-assedly down to first in no time, isn’t that right Edwin Rodriguez?
"“Nobody knows, not even him.”–Edwin Rodriguez"
Hanley Ramirez has been put on the 15-day disabled list with a strained back and chronic amnesia.