Series 6-Pack: *sigh*

Ben Berkon of Mets blog Rising Apple and I got through an entire six questions with only one depressed sigh!  They don’t call them the Amazin’s for nothing, I guess.

In all seriousness, this is an unfair moment of Mets history to be making cheap jokes at their expense.  We have bigger enemies out there to hate on than a team that won’t even get a whiff of playoff baseball in 2011.  So while I tried to keep the questions classy, the subject matter alone sort steered things into the gutter.  Also I forgot about keeping things classy after the first question.  Also during the first question.

Play ball!

1.  So Lenny Dykstra stole Dwight Gooden’s bags from ‘Celebrity Rehab.’  Your thoughts.

Ben: *sigh*

2.  Hooray!  The Mets payroll will stay above $100 million next season!  Did you there are teams who would be lucky to hit $50 million?  At least the Mets will be okay!

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Fred Wilpon has been talking about investing the rest of his money in some sort of “can’t-lose” pyramid scheme.

3.  R.A. Dickey had that whole “…maybe this is the kind of team we are,” speech, and now his “heel” is “injured.” Will Fred Wilpon soon wake up in a bathtub with a kidney missing?

Losing a kidney is the least of his concerns–he’s already a billion in debt…

4.  The Mets may soon be cashing in on the faces of their franchise that once brought joy to millions.  Is there any sort of emotional suffering involved in possibly losing K-Rod or Jose Reyes or David Wright?  If so, please describe it in gross, borderline inappropriate detail.

I doubt anyone would miss K-Rod (including his father-in-law). Trading Reyes and Wright, however, would have an instant negative impact on the fan base. It’s very hard to sell a team that loses their two biggest stars–especially one’s that came through the farm system.

5.  What do you think everybody talked about at the team meeting held right after Wilpon’s interview?  Jason Bay said, “The big thing was to not let it eat us from the inside out.”  Isn’t being called out by your owner and insulted in a national magazine an attack from the outside as well?

I think the Mets are used to getting attacked from the outside. In fact, there are very few outlets that have not attacked the Mets in same way over the years. What’s particularly bad about this is that Wilpon did not address his sentiments internally, and felt it was a better choice to choose and outside outlet to do as such.

6.  Good news, Angel Pagan is coming back!  Follow-up: Is that good news?

It is good news. Jason Pridie filled-in better than expected, but a healthy/productive Angel Pagan is exactly what the Mets need (aside from getting rid of Fred Wilpon).

1. How much will you miss Joe Blanton?

I don’t know who this person is. Does he work in the front office? Just put a patch with his initials on our uniform and let’s move on.

2. Jose Contreras just came off the DL, though it shouldn’t have an affect on Madison’s grasp on the closer job. The real question is, why did Contreras ever have the gig over Madson?

You know, I don’t know?  You assume Charlie knows what he’s doing, but sometimes he seems to take the contrarian point of view just to keep people guessing.  I mean, sure, it would have made sense to use the young, fireballing, lights out shut-out man to fill in or possible become the closer because he’s been groomed for the role.  But hey, let’s try this other guy.  Because he’s here too.

3. Raul Ibanez has posted a .333/.352/.583 line with 4 HR, 12 RBI, and 14 R in May. Do you buy it?

I will rent it for the month that it occurs, then return it when a month is up, and then I’ll come back for it when another month goes by and he gets hot again.  I tried to stay true to your metaphor.  Did it work?  I feel like it didn’t.

4. How much less playing time will Ben Francisco receive now that Domonic Brown is up (and Ibanez is playing well)?

Well, Charlie is much more liberal about sitting guys nowadays, so at least at first I can see everybody’s playing time taking a hit as they figure out who can contribute in what capacity.

5. What kind of production are you expecting out of Chase Utley?

Slowly progressing catastrophic mayhem.  Its nice to have 20 games with sub-.500 teams for him to feast on while he recovers.

6. The Phillies are tied for 19th in the majors with a .314 OBP. Is this a cause for concern?

Yes.  Everything is cause for concern.  When its not pitching depth, its baserunning errors!  When people forget about that, its our offense (people love the word “anemic!”)  Raul Ibanez is too old!  Dom Brown is too young!  Ryan Madson can’t close!  Chase Utley isn’t 100%!  Shane Victorino is hurt!  The Phanatic was caught devouring live raccoons behind the stadium!

For a team in first place with the best record in the NL, we have, like 10 teams’ worth of problems!  Almost seems like some of these problems are born from the bowels of message boards and turned into panic button-Bleacher Report articles.  People always try to poke holes in what they hate to see.