Chase Utley to Raise Fan Hopes to Ridiculous, Unattainable Level

So, what, Chase?

You think you can just walk back into our lives after being away for so long?

You can!  You can.  Sorry.  Do you need anything?  Some money?  Do you want to stand there and laugh while somebody throws firecrackers at Wilson Valdez’s feet?  We can make that happen if you want.  We’ll make Kyle Kendrick do it.

Kyle!  Make Wilson dance!

So, how you feeling, Chase?  You good?  Good.  You know, we realize this isn’t your first time in the dugout this year or anything, but the way everybody was patting you on the shoulder and welcoming you back yesterday… it just feels like you’ve been away for a very long time. Too long.  Meanwhile, we’re trapped in a dimension where second base is traditionally played by two different guys, neither of whom are “good.”

Did that sound like pressure?  There’s no pressure here.  Sorry if that sounded like there was, just because I sort inadvertently painted you as a savior there.  We know one guy can’t fix everything.  You look tense.  You want a massage?

Kyle! Stop making Wilson dance and give Chase massage!

What?

No, I don’t blame you.  I wouldn’t want him touching me either.

Kyle! Stay over there!  Chase doesn’t want to look at you!

So, how’s the knee?  Just kidding.  I’m sure you’ve been asked that plenty of times in the past few weeks.  But how is it?  Just kidding.

You know, when we all watched you run the bases for the Threshers, it took a lot to keep from sobbing with relief.  We just want you to be okay, Chase.  And also to hit a home run in your first plate appearance.

Ha ha, that was a joke too.  I guess.  Do you think its possible?  If you say its even a little bit possible, at least we won’t rule it out.  Not that you need to hit one for us to be like, even glad-er that you’re back.  But can you imagine?  That place is going to be so jacked you’re even standing upright in the first place; to think of you coming through offensively…

But yeah, no pressure.  Did I say that?  I feel like I’ve said that a lot.  Too much, probably.

Look, why don’t we just make Kyle do the Charleston until his face turns red and he passes out?  That’s what he’s here for.

Kyle! Charleston!

Ha, ha, ha.  Look at him go.  Yes, Kyle, 23-skadoo.  Ha.

It really is great to see you, Chase.