Congratulations on entering the ballot process for the esteemed Danys Baez Award! This award is given to pitchers who manage to worsen, or conjure up, a terrible in-game situation by taking the mound. Please answer the following inquiries so that your entry may be judged fairly and accurately.
Pitcher’s initial entrance to game was greeted by:
A. Shocked silence
B. Sea of boos
C. Profane questioning of Charlie Manuel’s bullpen management
Are opposing runs scored > outs recorded? ( Y / N )
Are opposing runs scored > Pitches thrown? ( Y / N )
Are opposing runs scored > Crowdmembers not sharpening shivs from souvenir bats? ( Y / N )
Is “large lead” now “slim lead,” or is “slim lead” now “losing”? (If “large lead” is now “losing,” pitcher may qualify for David Herndon Medal of Excessive Incompetence)
Where is Ryan Madson?
A. Warming up
B. Giving menacing stare to innocent folding chair
C. Sitting quietly next to babbling Kyle Kendrick
D. In everyone’s fantasies of who should be pitching right now
What’s happening now?
A. First and third, no outs
B. Rich Dubee’s out there. Looks pissed.
C. J.C. Romero just inherited three runners
D. Oh, sweet relief. The rapture.
Did/is pitcher ruin/ing everything? ( Y / N )