Series 6-Pack: What a Mets

Look everyone!  Its Ben Berkon from Mets blog Rising Apple again!  Last time we “Met,” the Mets were Met-ting the bed and making a real Mets of things.  Mets.

Now, they’re not even the worst team in baseball.  How the world has changed.  Ben and I discuss the upcoming series in the form of sarcastic cheap shots with question marks at the ends of them below.

1.  Has R.A. Dickey faced any backlash for saying the Mets may not be a championship-caliber team?  Word has it that “…Ike Davis spent much of Sunday and Monday vomiting.”  Are these two things related?

I think Dickey has actually received some praise, as his comments were more centered on the team having to prove themselves as opposed to the usual “We’re a New York team…we’re the team the beat!” mentality.

Apparently puking is the new steroids as Ike Davis has never looked better hitting. I say, “Keep puking, Ike!”

2.  How important of a team-building exercise was it for the Mets to recently visit war veterans in the hospital without anyone on the team not going because of cowardice and/or no reason?

I just assumed the Mets were renting out their players for entertainment purposes so as to pay the gas bill…

3.  A recent New York Magazine article said both “It doesn’t really matter that the Mets have won five in a row,” and “Johan Santana is not going to play any meaningful role in 2011.”  Which one is truer than the other?

I see the latter as more true. I honestly don’t see Santana contributing as much in the second half as people seem to think he will. Also, if the Mets aren’t in the playoff race by the time he is deemed “ready,” I don’t see the point in risking further injury.

4.  Jason Pridie’s hometown newspaper seems to think that he overcame a ton of adversity when he was forced to play in the minor leagues for a while.  Despite the countless other players to which this has happened, would you say that he is the greatest hero Prescott, Arizona has ever seen?

That statement has “delusional” written all over it. Pridie is lucky he even got the call this season. Now, I’ve heard playing in the minors isn’t the most luxurious lifestyle–and the pay isn’t great either–but maybe these guys should have thought about that before putting their education second (or third if you count fornicating with cheerleaders).

5.  Does it feel good to beat up on the Nats like that?  Or do you feel guilty, like kicking a dog?

I told people before the season that the Mets would come in a competitive fourth place in 2011. That means beating-up on the Nationals is a necessity, not a guilt-trip. Plus why kick dogs when you can punch your father-in-law (right, K-Rod)?

6.  If someone had told you before the season started that one major league team would be forced to surrender control to the league before the All-Star break, which team would you have guessed it was?  I would have said “the Mets.”

I have to agree with you.  Thank God the Wilpons only stole billions of dollars from innocent people and charities, as opposed to being in the midst of a divorce.  Phew!

1.  Given Blanton’s bad start to the season, do you anticipate Kyle Kendrick stealing his rotation spot at some point in the season?

If he was to be replaced, here are the things that should replace Joe Blanton before Kyle Kendrick:

• That pitching robot that bounced a pitch to home plate
• Mini Hip-Hop, the tiny version of the Sixers mascot
• The pigeon that hawk killed in Miller Park
• Sack of turnips wearing Phillies hat

2. Did you expect Antonio Bastardo to be a go-to option out of the bullpen this year?

No.  Antonio just became part of the swirling blur of bullshit that often was the bullpen as one of those in and out guys who hadn’t been great enough to rise above the grain and didn’t stay around in the big leagues long enough to make a name for himself.  He always had the potential, just not much of an opportunity.  Its great to see this kind of work out of him.  People you can rely on in that relief corps are few and far between.  And then when you start relying on them, you up the chances of your newfound trust getting you burned.

We have a complicated relationship with our bullpen.  AND IT DOESN’T HELP THAT THEY NEVER CALL.

3. Does Ryan Madson as closer instill more or less confidence than Jose Contreras for Phillies fans?

The big fucking deal here is that Ryan’s history of pitching in the ninth inning, as opposed to the eighth, is kind of eerie.  Its also very small.  So what basically is happening is Ryan has messed up a few times while trying to close in the past and everyone mentions that when talk of him closing comes up because it makes them feel all analyst-ish.

Unless that became a long term trend, of course Ryan can close.  I think he has the ability to be a lights out closer, whereas Big Truck is competent enough to perform the task, but he’ll probably let a few guys on base and blow a save now and again.  And he’s old.  Ryan Madson is the future.  He has to be.  Otherwise nothing makes sense anymore.

4. How much longer will the Phillies tolerate Raul Ibanez’s hitting (or lack there of)?

Charlie Manuel seems to think that keeping things the same is the best way to change them.  Raul is a streaky hitter, but I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be a hitter at all.  I’d have pulled him by now; 0-for-24 is the longest offensive drought of his very long career.  But Charlie likes to make sure his guys know he’s loyal (e.g., “Brad Lidge is our closer.”  Charlie Manuel, 2009) and assumes they can pull out of a tailspin.  His confidence is always higher than our’s.  Usually he’s right.

But John Mayberry’s right there.  Wave at him.  Hey, John.  You won’t be playing tonight.  Nobody knows why.

5. Does it feel good to beat up on the Nats like that?  Or do you feel guilty, like kicking a dog?

No, because why let some young, hungry, capable talent break through when we can watch Raul Ibanez gurgle and die?

6. Cole Hamels has still not given up a home-run this season–did I just jinx him?

Yes.  Cole is horrifically susceptible to jinxes, curses, hexes, voodoo, and black magic.  He only won game three of the NLDS last year because I kept watching one of his Comcast ads with the sound off while singing “California Girls” by Katy Perry.