Chooch Does Nothing to Quell Fears About Chooch

Great news for anyone who wants to be totally miserable:  Carlos Ruiz is not yet but possibly going to be on the disabled list.  When prompted to lie and make everyone feel better, Chooch’s naturally immaculate soul did not permit him to do so.

As far as initial injury diagnoses go, “lower back tightness” would normally sound like something we could pretend wasn’t happening.  But in a season when “general soreness” can suddenly be “he can’t even run every day,” Chooch may as well have been answering interview questions inside a barrel of toxic sludge.

So to review, that’s Chase’s knee, Brad’s elbow, Jose’s elbow, Dom’s hand, J.C.’s ankle, Chooch’s back, and Roy’s hometown.  Our bullpen is slowly filling with farm system NRIs, our second baseman is two utility infielders and a Rule 5 pick, and our starting catcher’s batting average just went from an unfortunate .226 to a childlike .087.

I would suggest to prepare yourself for an additional Hawaiian to jump on the roster in the form of Dane Sardinha.

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