All Phillies Fan Haters Proven Wrong by Facebook

Facebook may be the oozing, blue scar our generation will leave on society, but its also the current proof that Phillies fans are the most loyal fans in all of baseball, ever.  Anyone contesting this point is calling Facebook a liar, and therefore, everything in their profile is also a lie, such as “Cardinals rule,” and “I’m just a single gal tryin to figure it all out lol!”

So, one or the other, people.  Either Phillies fans are the most loyal or your life is a shameful, spineless lie.

We were totally loyal to Cliff Lee.  From that time he was spectacular, to that time he was spectacular in the World Series, to those times he was spectaculating while playing for other teams, to the way we loyally complained like selfish children in message boards and comment sections about having to watch him be spectacular in other places, to him making the decision to come back to Philly because he loved us and how drunk and loud we are.

Sure, maybe a guy like Cliff makes it easy to be loyal by eliminating any negative aspects of his personality that normal human might have.  Maybe true loyalty is tested when an Eric Bruntlett or a Desi Relaford lands in your lap and demands to be loved; and you, as someone who respects not only the Phillies, but also the concept of “middle infielding,” find yourself unable to embrace their haunting inadequacies.

But that is hardly fair.  I mean, the Phillies are so good now.  Loyalty comes with no prices whatsoever.  Even if Chase and Jayson gone, and now Shane, too, there are so many bench players in the starting lineup, it might as well be the middle of 2010.  And still, there are endless sell-outs.

“What can you offer us in terms of your product,” we the fans asked Phillies management in unison a few years ago.

“Well, we’ll just acquire most of the league’s pitching.  How about that.”

“HERE IS ALL OF OUR MONEY,” we replied, as a cloud of fluttering dollar bills and dust filled the air and we stampeded past the FanFoto photographers and the smiling gatekeepers to overflow Citizens Bank Park with our screams and claps.

So you see, loyalty does come easier when the team is great and the players are wonderful.  But maybe Phillies fans are more willing to be loyal than anyone else?  Or maybe more of us are just on Facebook.  Let us merely conclude that Facebook’s survey is in no way meaningless and everyone should be aware of it.  Okay?  Great.

At least we know we can still trust Facebook.

Shit.  I left my profile open and somebody changed my “Interested in” to “Squid-men” and my status to say “Floating on by the squid-pub in hopes of having sex with a squid!

Tags: Cliff Lee Facebook Loyalty Phillies Whatever

comments powered by Disqus