Who would have thought that all this speculation, drama, and hand injuries would wind up exactly how some people predicted it? It’s almost as if the past few months of shouting at each other has been a complete waste of time. I almost lost my job for screaming at a co-worker who I thought had said Dom Brown was overrated, but it turned out that he was just looking for the water fountain and that he was not actually a co-worker. And did I say I “almost” lost my job?
The truth is, Charlie doesn’t really know anything. And that’s… that’s fine.Ben Francisco will be the right fielder, but beyond that, we’re filling in the blanks at a comically maddening pace.
Here’s your opening day lineup, according to Charlie Manuel:
- Roy Halladay, P*
So, if you think the Astros are terrified at the notion of playing against a bunch of invisible men, you’re damn right they are. This isn’t happening because of a shocking amount of injuries and holes in the offense. Its all part of Charlie’s master plan to convince Houston that we’re all standing around shrugging at each other, when in reality, he knows exactly what he’s going to do, he just hasn’t done/thought of it yet.
And here’s the best part of the Francisco thing–He still doesn’t have the permanent job. Yes, it seems that “Opening Day Right Fielder” and “Phillies Right Fielder” are two different things, so if Ben went home today assuming he’s got this thing locked the hell up just because he had a monster spring, he’d better turn on the news and find out he could be paired up with anybody from John Mayberry Jr. to Ross Gload to Matisyahu. Also, Dom Brown is still alive; just because we don’t talk about him anymore doesn’t mean he can’t be effective.
That’s what elderly relatives try to teach us, anyway.
So, let’s not ruin this opportunity that Benny Fresh has been undoubtedly salivating over by putting a bunch of pressure on him. I just expect, you know, three hits in his first game as the starting right fielder or I will be unconvinced that he is even a person.