Here is a list of all the players named “Patrick” I could find affiliated with the Phillies. If this seems rushed and/or stupid its only because I wrote it in the back of a taxi on my way to the bar.
Pat Gillick – Wrapped 2008 in awesome and handed it to the city of Philadelphia, tipped his cap, and disappeared into the night.
Pat Moran – Led Phils to 1915 World Series; fired by WWI.
Pat Burrell – Stole all of the STDs in Philadelphia.
Pat Combs – Soloist in the Philadelphia sports orchestra of sad trombones from 1989-92.
Patrick Bojcun - Forced self to pitch left handed after careful consideration of the advantages and the brutal fracture of his right arm.
Patrick Cheek – While playing for the Columbus Clippers, he entered the game hitting .087. By his second at bat, he was hitting .067. He proceeded to finish the night with two home runs and seven RBI. He finishes the year hitting .170 with 11 RBI. As Hank Davis writes in Small Town Heroes, “The man had virtually his offensive season in one night.”
Patrick Colgan – Shared name with FBI agent who almost caught famed bank robber Frank Carrone by plowing into an intersection full of children. While playing for the Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barons, he was part of a bloody brawl against the Williamsport Greys that had to be broken up by the cops. Two of the Greys then continued to fight–each other–in their own dugout.
Pat Corrales – Only manager to be fired while team was in 1st place.
Jerome Holtman, Baseball Digest: “Chipper Jones is among the ten best young position players I have ever seen.”
Pat Corrales: “You’re wrong.“*
–Baseball Digest, 1995
Patrick Flanagan – Owner of world’s most barren Baseball Reference profile.
Patrick Elders - Played in the Spartanburg County League in South Carolina in 1946, which is considered the “best of times” for the Textile Mill Leagues of the era. Which means maybe one of the mills didn’t catch fire every day.
Patrick DeFelice – Just got to the bar
*Corrales went on to say, “…he’s one of the best five,” but putting it in this totally out of context way was funnier.
Tags: Screw You I'm At The Bar