What We Need More of is Negativity

Losing hurts.  It hurts you, it hurts me, it hurts the snarky paper boy in the Giants cap the following morning when a potted plant from my porch shatters across his stupid face.  There is a prolonged sting reverberating on the soul after a loss.  But we all know that, because we live in Philadelphia, where we lose all the time, and it hurts every one of the times.

So excuse me for getting a little cliche-fired up when the next writer whose just trying to find a “fresh angle” chooses a midwinter day to write something about how the Phillies shouldn’t be good because we’re a town of underdogs. Some idiot did it last year, I forget his name, and I damn near derailed a trolley on Girard in outrage.  Fortunately, it was winter, and it derailed itself a few blocks later anyway.

My point is, if you claim to be  Phillies fan, and then write something inherently negative to the tune of “Well doesn’t winning all the time take away from the specialness of winning?!” then you are not a bold new face on the Philly writing scene, you are an asshole, looking to scare up all the vicious mojo we’re suppressing to be where we are.

“Moreover, who is to think that either A. If the Phillies remain healthy all season, they won’t suffer the same fate against the Giants if both teams make the NLCS this year, and B. If the Phillies somehow advance to the big dance against (most likely) Boston, what makes you think they would suddenly figure out the Red Sox’s formula after a decade of futility against them in interleague play?

I know. You’re thinking too much, Joe. That’s why they play the games. To be honest, who is to say both of those teams will even make the World Series? But hey, that’s what makes it fun!”

–Joe Vallee, Philly2Philly

“Hey, guys!  Excited for the new Phillies season?!  Me too!  That’s why I’ve cataloged all the things you are very aware could go wrong, and end the illustrious championship era the team has worked so hard to build and the city has waited so long to enjoy!”

We know what could go wrong, because it all went wrong 10,000 times before now.  Five years of awesomeness doesn’t erase our past; we know what’s back there and we certainly haven’t forgotten it.  I implore you, people.  Don’t try to force us into an underdog position just because this city has a Rocky statue.  We are the favorites, and instead of panicking and trying to take us down a level so we appear more heroic, let’s embrace our status, and hope that everything goes according to plan.

It’ll be all too soon before we’re well below “underdog” status again.  People retire, people decline (eventually).  Why… why would you be so anxious to remind us of the gutwrenching past and the ominous distant future in which our beautiful present has been sandwiched?

Now.  Let’s all throw a potted plant at the paper boy.

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