That pie went on to hit better than Gary Matthews Jr.

Phillies May Decide One Gary Matthews is Just Not Enough

When you hear Gary Matthews talking, he’s either getting you to buy hats, or making sure there’s not an iota of silence dwindling between Tom McCarthy-isms, or making some inadvertent, highly sexual remark.  If only there was some sort of younger, more nimble version of him that could play baseball, cost the Angels millions of dollars while not playing for them, and be the source of blogosphere-wide lament.


With all the raucous fervor of a hospital cafeteria, the Phillies are sniffing around Gary Matthews’ son, Gary Matthews.

All it takes to sum up “Little Sarge” (He can’t like that nickname) is, shockingly enough, his Baseball Reference page.  But don’t look at the numbers.  Just look at the message left by the page’s sponsor, Section 518:  “Well, we’re stuck with him now.”

Not so fast, Mets.  Maybe the almighty Phillies would like to suffer.

With the direction Junior’s career has taken in the past years (“down, fast”) this may be the direct result of Gary Matthews (the announcer), approaching Ruben Amaro’s office, hat in hand, and pleasing wistfully that his son be given a minor league system to collapse in.  Why not have it be with the franchise that employs dad?

He’d have a hard time even hitting as “well” as he has during his decline, and his speed is on par with a large mammal dying on the Serengeti.  But we’ll see if the “outfielder” can crack that pesky “.200″ barrier in the Phils’ farm system at 36 years old.  Or maybe they’ll take a glance at his BR page and think better of it.

[Forever Shea]

Tags: Gary Matthews Mets Minor Leagues Off Season Phillies Pies

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