Phil-Literature: "If They Only Knew"


I’m on the road this weekend so your precious book review is going to be a repeat from a while ago when I was obsessed with Darren Daulton briefly.  This was before people actually read this blog, so its probably new to you anyway.  Who even are you?

“If They Only Knew”

Darren Daulton

Let’s say I’m John Q. Metaphysicist.

I’m probably younger, probably feeling lost, probably vulnerable to anything that resembles an answer.  I have a vague knowledge and understanding of my studies; the multiple dimensions, that everything is connected and what we see and experience is based on vibrations and light.

If my interest in the topic is genuine, and not just a dabble in a passing fad, what I need is somebody to sit me down and explain in a somewhat detailed and informative way the concepts with which I have allied myself.  Then and only then will I be truly aware of what’s up and be able to make a decision based my own accord.

Darren Daulton is not the man to be explaining metaphysics to anybody.

It’s not weird that there is a book about this stuff, Dutch.  It’s weird that you’re the one who wrote it.

If I came home from work and my goldfish was doing the dishes, I’d have some questions.  He’s not the one that does that.  I’m the one who does that.  He’s the one that swims in the bowl and fantasizes about killing me and himself.

I’m not saying people should pigeon-hole themselves into a single interest or profession, but when you clearly don’t know how to express what you are trying to say in a coherent way, you are not the one who should be literally writing the book on the topic.

If written by a physicist that you’d never heard of, this book may be of interest to you; at the very least, maybe you would pick it up and read the back in the book store while waiting for your kid to find his way out of the bathroom.

But here’s the kicker… Dutch actually says this himself.

  • “I can certainly help you when it comes to baseball, but quantam physics is something I consciously only learned about a couple of years ago.”
  • “I know you’re thinking how is this possible?  Well, don’t ask me I am just the messenger.”
  • “There are others that have much more knowledge and wisdom that can explain it better but I will give it a shot.”

… that didn’t stop you from writing an entire book about it, though.  Hmmm.

It worried me that this last confession was only 42 pages into the book; meaning every reader who picked it up knew that the next 130 pages were written by someone who may not even know what the hell they’re talking about.

Which is so totally ironic, because Dutch complains (and complains and complains) about his haters; about how he feels sorry for them because they’re close-minded; how nobody wants to listen because they’re afraid; that people shouldn’t criticize if they don’t understand (He seems to be under the impression that knowing about criticism is the same thing as nullifying it).

But he just said that he doesn’t even really know what he’s saying.

And with that in mind, Dutch takes us on a ride through what he has learned via first person experiences and vigorous research:  The world is changing, and to change with it, you need to open your mind to the possibility that anyone is capable of astral travel and ascending into new planes of existence if they just give it a chance.

Yet, Dutch decorates the length of his masterpiece with writing gaffs, sporadic info, and repetition.  He relays dreams he’s had.  He claims his first draft was 500 pages, but this new one he managed to cut down to 20 pages; and its still 169.

There is a chapter entitled “Jacob’s Wrestling Match” that is not only just a page and a half long, but also, outside of the first three lines, taken completely from someone else’ website, verbatim.

“I can tell you for fact when most people, especially Christians, hear or see words like [Kundalini] it spooks them.”

Dutch, you can’t just go throwing  around the phrase “I can tell you for a fact…” because that prefix means that no matter what you say next, you have hard, indisputable evidence to back up what you’re about to say.  “Most people” is not a phrase you can say anything “for a fact” about, because it means nothing.  What do you mean, “most people”?  Most of the people you know?  Most of the people on Earth?  Most of the ’93 Phillies squad?  What you just claimed is that there’s some abstract number of people out there on whose thoughts you have a constant and flawless grasp.

“Most people haven’t a clue about what DNA really is or what purpose it has in our bodies.”

Yeah, most people are ignorant idiots without instant access to Wikipedia.  Good call.  Also, scientists don’t exist.  Surprise, everybody!

“Check out all of the earthquakes, tornadoes and hurricanes, fires, floods, and more that are happening around the globe.  It’s not just happening here on earth, it’s on all of the planets.”

DARREN, OTHER PLANETS HAVE DIFFERENT ATMOSPHERES.  ELEMENTS.  DISTANCES.  TEMPERATURES.

Have you ever seen the movie The Matrix?

You can’t compare real life to fiction and expect a real idea to just fall out of your mouth.  The Matrix, Star Trek, The Exorcist, The Philadelphia Experiment, “Bewitched,” even Multiplicity with Michael Keaton gets a shout out within these pages.  This makes a book sound like its research was conducted on a lazy Sunday afternoon when somebody left the TV on TNT for 18 hours straight.  If you don’t want something to be treated as fiction, you probably shouldn’t compare it to fiction.

Look, you can badmouth Dutch all you want, but the fact is, he had the guts to go on TV and do something he knew would make thousands of people cringe and inquire as to the volume/frequency of his medications:  Say what he believed.  And that’s good.  No matter whathe’s saying, there’s really no way around that being a good thing.  We’ve all got that right to do so.

What he does wrong is everything else. He’s not a talented writer, or philosopher, and if he wants to believe these things, great, but he’s hurting his cause by telling the world about it through a media outlet that is far from his strong suit.

He repeats himself, compares himself to Jesus, and openly admits to lacking knowledge of the very subject on which he was written a book.  This is not about Darren Daulton and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This is about the same challenge any prophet, false or otherwise, is going to face:  Not everybody wants to change.  And they want to change even less when you can’t present your argument in a rational way.

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Tags: Catcher Darren Daulton Metaphyics Phil-literature Phillies

  • http://www.BallparkEGuides.com Kurt Smith

    Dutch is a bit of a nutty guy, but I have to say that he’s entertaining.