Archive for February, 2011

You know damn well that the if Maples Leafs played in a similarly named stadium, Canadians would get as cranked up as Canadians are capable of.

Baby elephants can stomp fully grown lions to death.

Don’t blame me when we’re lying at the bottom of a Burmese Tiger Pit, impaled through the knee by a spike carved out of a sapling, as Rizzo and Werth stand over us chortling and smoking victory cigars.

The Phillie Phanatic, the preeminent mascot in major league baseball (go screw Mr. Met) made his debut at Bright House Field this afternoon.

Durbin’s a concrete addition to any relief corps, but in this case, even he could be deemed superfluous. And not just because I wanted to use that word.

Mike Rizzo comically demanded Domonic Brown in return, probably on a crumpled piece of notebook paper with a bunch of frowny faces scrawled on it.

Colon made the grapefruit league start for the Yanks, going two innings, managing not to pass out, and giving up one earned run, two hits and one walk.

It’ll just be me, shouting updates on my malfunctioning nervous system at my downstairs neighbor.

Yes, adoring public, this is a blog post about other blog posts that don’t exist yet, but like the 2011 Phillies, that doesn’t mean you can’t get prematurely excited over it and assume the best.

No, the much more sound reasoning is to tear this room apart with my bare hands, throwing bookshelves to the floor and hurling my laptop through into the dishwasher, then running it on “pots and pans” just to waste water and energy.