Divisional Recourse: Clubhouse Presents
By Justin Klugh
Somebody stop the Mets, they’re getting a head start. But nobody stop Ozzie Guillen, because he’s fun to watch, like a profane seal.
Florida Marlins
Do you know who is going to take Edwin Rodriguez’s place in 2012? Neither do the Marlins. They do know that it won’t be Ozzie Guillen. Which sounds specifically ridiculous, but makes a lot of sense, because Ozzie Guillen is crazy and shouts all the time. But one thing is for certain: owner Jeffrey Loria wants a recognizable mouth to pump his thoughts through when that new playground opens in 2012.
But if that’s going to happen, the last thing the Fish should do this season is perform amicably. Which would be great for us; to not have the pesky Marlins spearing us in the stomach and generally creating mayhem during a playoff race, despite not being in it. If they do well, Loria will have to have a second thought about releasing Rodriguez.
So, hear that Marlins? If you’re bad enough, you get a famous manager! What a steal. In closing, let’s check out some lady advice from Ozzie Guillen, when he was asked what he got his wife for Christmas.
"“I got her a purse because I know how much women love purses.”"
Atlanta Braves
Well, just because Bobby Cox isn’t managing anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist. He wandered into the Braves prospect camp the other day, just to show them what an old person looks like. Actually, he was probably a source of inspiration and some young Brave will probably flourish into a superstar because of that visit. Congratulations.
The Braves are about to embark on their Braves Country Caravan, which is not a Disney movie, so don’t IMDB it and waste three minutes of your life. It’s actually a cross country tour that visits five of the 50 states, handing out hats and signatures to anybody who can stand the sight of Freddie Freeman, Johnny Estrada, Matt Young, and all the rest.
Leather jacket Braves journalist tells us that the Braves are also trying to cook up some Marlin envy by fondling the thought of Jorge Cantu. Sure, Fredi Gonzalez has plenty of point blank range experience watching Jorge, but with the money the Braves have left and the number of starting spots they have available for him (0), it might not happen.
Here’s a ridiculously huge picture of him.
Washington Nationals
Mike Rizzo says the Nats were constantly looking for “clubhouse presence” in all of the deals they went through with this winter. In conclusion, they signed Jerry Hairston, Jr. from the Padres. I remember him getting steamed an awful lot as an Oriole a few years ago, so I guess the clubhouse presence they’re talking about could be defined by “easily-released fury.” But hey, the Nats aren’t interested in bench players who refuse to be bench players, so that quick fuse, if it even exists, will only be used for good.
But it’s not all backup infielders with the Nationals! Kind of feels like the opposite, actually. Kind of feels like everybody on the Nationals is a pitcher, actually.
Like this Todd Coffey they just got. He hops into the bullpen with about 40 other Nationals, all hoping to be long relievers and set up men and closers. Tyler Clippard, Craig Stammen, Drew Storen, and Collin Balester are the names I can remember from the article, but rest assured, there are at least 60 others. Which, yes, directly contradicts the number I stated previously, but rest assured, because both figures are undoubtedly incorrect.
New York Mets
Speaking of signing relief pitchers, the Mets did that! Here, and here once again. They also inked a position player named “Hairston,” which I didn’t realize until now, but is actually kind of weird.
In a wise move, because the northeast is a stupid, frozen crapball right now, the Mets have opened the doors in Port St. Lucie, where they congeal every spring for the pre season. It was the first day that players could show up, but nobody had to, so the only people there were the Mets that were really going to give 110% this season. Here’s who showed up.
- Luis Hernandez (44 AB in 2010)
- Brad Holt (rookie)
- Scott Moveil (rookie)
- Juan Lagares (rookie)
Okay, that’s a low blow. Is the Bright House Complex even open yet? Even if it’s not, the only guy down there is Doc, continuously breaking into the gym every morning and running the shit out of the stairwells. Still, it’s funny to think about Terry Collins giving an impassioned speech to a large room with four guys in it, most of whom he has trouble recognizing.