Ironpigs Plan to Bobble Your Head Off

If you thought today was all about football, you are right.  Please leave this baseball web site and go send negative vibes through your television to Jay Cutler’s arm.  And legs and torso and spine.  And other arm.

No?  Fine.  Stay here and read about bobbleheads.Many years ago, in an event in Phillies history that everybody already knows about, we were trying to get rid of Larry Bowa for the first time.  Sadly, the Cubs would only take him if we threw in Ryne Sandberg, and also expected us to take one of their players in exchange, because that is how a “trade” works.

Now, obviously the rest of the story is the longest, worst part, in which Ryne has this bullshit awesome career and we get to hang our heads in shame until Chase Utley shows up years later.

Hiring Ryne to manage the Triple-A Ironpigs was a very minor source of retribution for the Phillies, but he’ll probably be great and we can pretend that it fills the gaping holes of regret from the first time we kicked him out.  It doesn’t, though.

Regardless, we’re going to prove the full extent of our attrition by turning him into a little thing with an eternal smile and a head that boings on a spring.

I recently spent too long talking about bobbleheads, so we won’t get into them, or where they come from, or what they mean, or how many times I’ve fought one.  Just know that the ‘Pigs will be idolizing their coach (April 26), a former and possibly current star (Dom Brown, June 27), and the universally acceptable bobblehead roster filler, Harry Kalas (May 16).

And that’s it.  That’s all.  That’s seriously all we’re going to talk about today.  This is what you’re missing football for.