Jimmy Rollins Finally Reveals Secret of Coolness

It’s “volunteering.”

Huh.

I always thought it’d be vigilante crimefighting.  Turns out I’ve been chasing my neighbors back into their houses after curfew with a broken, jagged broom handle for no reason at all.

Yes, Jimmy’s doing his best Shane Victorino impression, and no, that doesn’t mean he’s engaging in a public debate with Charlie Manuel.  He’s doing some big, pro bono, helping-people thing, and as usual, I do not understand how helping people does not involve also hurting them.

Jimmy explains it quite clearly, actually.  He spoke to some teenagers on speaker phone for an hour the other day, which anyone whose met a teenager will tell you is a terrible waste of an hour.  Unless, of course, you’re a super-cool local pro athlete with a heart of gold and a smile straight from the angels.

Yes, when Jimmy speaks, even teenagers listen.  And they’re awful, so kudos to J-Roll.  He’s involved in the MLBPA Action Team which, again, is not a squad of baseball-themed superheroes.  And not to go off on a tangent, but why does the NHL get Marvel-drawn superheroes based on each team?  Is it because they allow punching in hockey? It is, isn’t it?!  That makes sense.

Anyways, Jimmy took time out from his charitable donations of time and effort to remind people that the Phillies may be old and stuff, but they will still be good at hitting the ball.  Good night, everyone [EDITOR’S NOTE: It’s 10:42 in the morning].