Ryan Howard said something quirky! Quick, quick–make it news!!!
Ryan Howard-The Cranberries
“I’ll just continue to look after it and take care of it. Those kinds of things linger, like The Cranberries.”
Well, if you thought those stories about Ryan Howard dropping a Cranberries reference about his sprained ankle were just news-starved journalists and bloggers suckling teats of pointless blah blah blah, you were probably right. But we’re going to make you even righter by showing that Ryan Howard’s not the only Phillie to create something out of nothing because of music. And that’s just how we’re’ going to fill the page today.
Brett Myers–KC and the Sunshine Band
If you remember anything about Brett Myers, it’s that he was tough, like RoboCop. He also malfunctioned occasionally, and was responsible for the odd smattering of violence. So obviously, to a guy like Brett, entry music is critical. You can’t be jogging out there to some poppy, horrendous dog shit. You need something cool, like Nickelback or Linkin Park. Hardcore rockers. Rockers that defined our generation. Rockers that could be supplying the soundtrack to a scene in which RoboCop bursts into the bad guys’ warehouse and tears them apart.
So naturally, Brett was furious when he came trotting to close a game in 2007 and was flanked by “Shake Your Booty,” by KC and the Sunshine Band. You see, until that very moment, Brett had been taken 100% seriously. Now, the world would only view him as a clown, rather than the 100% serious guy he’d been for the last few years.
Boy was he mad.
“It pissed me off. They need to do a poll in the paper to tell people to pick my dang song. “
At least he had all that seriousness to fall back on.
Nothing says “well received” like getting punched in the face.
Jayson Werth-Sammy Hagar
It’s tough to imagine Jayson doing anything without raucous guitars and drum solos being played in the background. Obviously his entry music was going to be the embodiment of this quality in real life, for 5-8 seconds at a time.
So he comes out to the batter’s box with a version of “Heavy Metal” blaring by Sammy Hagar for a few years, and that’s great, except that it isn’t, and he could have probably found somebody better to sing that song, even if it was for the abbreviated clips of time before he clobbered home runs.
“I am not commenting on that. It’s not a public issue.”
Oh, nothing was public with you, Jayson. Which was probably smart, with people like me roaming the internet. We all read the Sports Illustrated article where you dared people to say what you were thinking because they couldn’t possibly know. You’re very introverted and mysterious. We get it.
But it’s just a song. Tell us why we are hearing it.
1993 Phillies-Spin Doctors
Everybody, everybody, was listening to the Spin Doctors in the locker room that year (Everbody but Mariano Duncan, who was listening to this ’90s-reeking classic ). They apparently exploded four boom boxes blaring the shit, until Curt Schilling and Mitch Williams installed a stereo system that was still there when The Vet, you know, was completely destroyed.
But seriously, you only need one viewing of “Whatever it Takes, Dude” to know that all they heard in that clubhouse was sung by the Spin Doctors, notably “Two Princes.” It’s playing in basically every scene when they come back in from doing something batshit insane. It’s like hanging out with a street gang of mullets and beer guts who like lame ’90s rock, but it was the ’90s, so you couldn’t even say that.
Harry Kalas-High Hopes
Harry Kalas told a story once that he grabbed the microphone of a piano bar to sing this song when a man ran into the room with a knife and promptly killed himself. On the phone with his wife later, he asked, “Eileen, is my singing really that bad?”
You should really read More than Beard, Bellies, and Biceps: The Story of the 1993 Phillies.
The Reading Phillies Mascot Band-Whatever
“You really have to see it to believe it,” says the bands web page. I think you know my feelings on mascots doing anything.