Merry Christmas, Somebody Stop Lenny Dykstra


Here, the streets aren’t bombarded by the insidious roar of winter’s bullshit.  The soothing warbles of Nat King Cole bless the air; with a swift kick, the cat has learned to stop drinking out of the tree stand; I finally found my Phillies Santa hat without hours of frantic searching or panicked screams.

But inside Lenny Dykstra’s brain… madness.The holidays have brought us a story further spiraling Nails into the financial suicide he has been committing loudly and publicly for… many years.  Apparently, he engaged the talents of a professional escort, then rewarded her with a $1000 lie.

His check was bad, the evening was probably worse, and god damn it, our vision of a Philadelphia sports icon reaches yet another new low.  Though if you have even an inkling of who Lenny Dykstra is, the last thing you should be doing is accepting a $1000 check from him and assuming it will all be fine.

Meanwhile, wherever he scampers around when he’s relaxing, Ruben Amaro is ruining his family’s Christmas by constantly answering his cell phone and checking his voicemail.  Silently, his wife resents him with merely a sigh as his kids wish their father would, just this once, join them for dinner.

Fortunately, they will go wonting, as Ruben works to make the rest of us happy.  All those problems I reminded you about a month ago and every day in between till exist, and he’s trying to solve them, even though its one of the few times during the year where he could feasibly be excused from doing his job.

But if a penniless fool or a gently estranging family aren’t putting you in that holiday spirit, consider this:  The Philadelphia Phillies will be proceeding with C.C. Sabathia’s blessing on Cliff Lee.

“As part of the Yankee family and organization I’m disappointed.  As a family friend, I’m happy he’s in the place he wanted to be.  You have to do what makes you happy and what’s best for your family.”

C.C. Sabathia

Awwwww.  I mean, you know.  Fuck the Yankees.  But awwwww.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU HELPED FANSIDED AND SITE5 SAVE THE CHILDREN.

Merry Christmas to all those blogs that have never heard of me but I read anyway–ZWR, The Good Phight, Big Sharkey Show, all of the sexy-hot FanSided Network, Rum Bunter, SeatGeek, bureaucratist, Pat who guest posted the other day, and everyone who reads this terrible site.

And to you, Lenny Dykstra.  Get through tomorrow.

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Tags: C.C. Sabathia Cliff Lee FanSided Lenny Dykstra Phillies Ruben Amaro Rumbunter Site5

  • Phills_Phaithful@UConn_WhoIsNow@Home

    I was going to wish you a Merry Christmas anyway, but 3 folds now that I got a shoutout. Have a wonderful Christmas in San Fran, if that’s even possible (and if you’re even still there). I expect tears at dinner tonight, but over the Phillies, damnit, not over some weak, soft family nostalgia bullshit. I joke. Also, I was a little surprised you didn’t shoutout CrashBurnAlley, considering you wrote for him. Oh well, Merry Christmas!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LvSIXWQr1c

    And to you, Justin Klugh. Get through tomorrow.