Jayson Werth Press Conference Becomes Sort Of About Cliff Lee

Cliff Lee told us that Jayson Werth “…wasn’t the happiest person in the world” when he found out Cliff was coming here and not D.C. like no one really thought he would.

At Jayson’s press conference today, the questions naturally turned to his buddy Cliff.

“They got their boy back, I guess, and that’s fine. I think that’s good. I like that.”

–Jayson Werth, while looking like Charlie Sheen in Major League II

Oh, good.  Jayson appears to be rational and congratulatory and unsarcastic about all this.  Let’s just move on without putting his every word under the microscope.

Once again, I want to reiterate, I in no way want to initiate and/or cultivate animosity between Jayson and the Phils.  Sure, it gets harder not to do so when actual baseball is being played.  Give him a few key doubles off us in 2011 and I’ll be trying to travel back through time to kill his parents.  But for right now, and most of the regular season, I am in no way advocating any claw-swipes at J-Dub; especially via time travel.  The world’s just not ready for that shit.

But he, on the other hand, seems more than happy to throw tomatoes at our house.

Hell, I’ll even give him some more leeway.  Its the off season and we have literally nothing better to do than scrutinize everything, like when you repeat a word a thousand times until it doesn’t even make sense anymore.  That concept, applied to baseball in its entirety, is what we’re downgraded to doing during the winter as baseball fans.

And another thing:  All of this is based on what people are saying in a public setting.  Even Mets players had to pretend to be okay with the Phillies signage.  What could they have said?

“I am literally too terrified of the Phillies starting rotation to get out of bed in the morning.  I have bed sores and my pants are flooded with urine.”

–David Wright

“I give us literally zero chance in this division.  We get an ‘F.’  For ‘fucked.’”

–Terry Collins

“Last night I went to the bathroom and the light was flickering all creepily like in a horror movie and I swear on my life I saw Cliff Lee standing behind me with a hatchet.  Also Kyle Kendrick was there but he just looked kind of lost.”

–Mr. Met

Of course not.  These comically unprofessional statements read more like they were composed by a highly biased Phillies fan who should have probably gone to bed by now.  No matter what the odds, players have to maintain the concept of hope at all times.

I’m sure the Nationals will be better, but they are in a building phase.  Jayson, when questioned about his former team and the fact that they were currently eclipsing his own press conference by showing off their new ace pitcher who also happened to be his best pal, still had to say something beyond “Yeah, you know.  Fuck ‘um.”

First of all, its pretty ballsy for a guy on the receiving end of a life-making $126 million contract to not be the happiest person in the world.

Secondly, Jayson, why are you trying so hard to make this into a “thing”?  If you would have told me that he would indeed sign somewhere else for a ton of money, yet stay in our division, and the angriest person about it would be himself, I would have been confused and probably a little bored.  Yet, there he is, all saying we didn’t want him, that he wasn’t a part of our future plans (still don’t get that one), and now, being pissed off that his buddy chose us.

So, you know, whatever.  We’re just trying to do shit up here in Philly.  Go ahead and be a sourpuss if you want.  And grow your beard back.  You look alarmingly sane without it.

Topics: Cliff Lee, Jayson Werth, Off Seson, Phillies, Press Conference

Want more from That Balls Outta Here?  
Subscribe to FanSided Daily for your morning fix. Enter your email and stay in the know.
  • Rick

    This blog is really goddamn funny. I’m jonesin’ for another story involving Cliff Lee and his reunion (you know, like that one post where you had Ryan murder Kendrick and stuff him into a duffel bag). That’d be some good shit.

  • Rich Hudzinski

    Jason Werth wants to play in Washington like he wants a HOLE IN HIS HEAD. He feels the Phillies gave him the shaft. Fact is he is “werth” no more then J Bay got from the Mets last season to be a smaller piece of a winning teams puzzle, such as the one Philadelphia has master minded. If he turns in more productive years then not, over the life of this crazy contract, I would be shocked.