Some Pointless Complication to the Very Simple News

Here’s what we know.
  • Jayson Werth is great.
  • Jayson Werth is probably going to leave.
  • The phrase “testing the waters.”
  • He will probably go to the Red Sox, Angels, or Tigers
  • The word “tender.”
  • The Phillies will need a right fielder if this happens.
  • Domonic Brown and Ben Francisco are Phillies outfielders.
  • Their “roles” will “increase.”
  • The word “platoon.”

So because this blog is constantly revolutionizing the way people internet about things, let me tell you some news with the help of my old friend, Thesaurus.com.

Phillies [puissant] outfielder Jayson Werth is [dollars to doughnuts] going to [quitclaim] them for [Panthera Tigris, crimson hosiery, or the attendants of God] after [chewing over] the [status quo] of free agency.  Because of this, Ben Francisco has been [bestowed] a contract by the team, as his [province] will [thicken], probably into a [cavalcade] with [Zephyrhills, FL's greatest son]

Tags: Ben Francisco Domonic Brown Off Season Phillies Thesaurus Words