Peterson Orr: Canada’s Vlad Guerrero

I’m doing that thing again where I weakly profile each of the announced non-roster invitees to Phillies Spring Training.  I’ve already compared Justin De Fratus to a fork, so who knows what stuff I’ll be drawing parallels to in the future!  I think I see a picture of a yelping polar bear down there, so let’s see what we have on professional-every-position player Pete Orr.

Pete Orr, whose full name is shorter than most first names, actually has two middle names to make up for the space.  Also his full first name is “Peterson.”  So he’s actually got a museum of names.  Let that be the first myth we dispel here today about Peterson Thomas Gordon Orr.

Another is his full utilization of baseball equipment:  Total bullshit.

Here he is batting without any batting gloves, clearly making him the Canadian Vlad Guerrero.  Though if Vlad Guerrero tried to bunt it’d look more like a polar bear falling down a hill.

I’ll bet you heard all those rumors about Peterson Orr being a slogging, glacially motivated junker, lacking in viscosity.  How he can’t run down the first base line without parts falling off.  How his dead sprint isn’t any faster than your cousin’s Saab with the dead battery rolling up a hill.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.  That’s the 2008 AA-Southern League “Best Hustler” you’re talking about.  Dick.

Now you make take a look at Peterson’s numbers in the peachy and more federal regions of the NL East and think, “Hmmm?”  Then you could check out his time in the minors, namely those with AAA-Richmond , and think “Heeeeyyyy.”

But he’s extended his playing days past mere Major League Baseball.

Sure, the World Baseball Classic may have the logo of a printer company that caters exclusively to baseball players.  The world has gotten over this.  What they haven’t gotten over is how awesome Japan (Specifically the “Daisuke Matsuzaka” parts) is at baseball, as the country took both of the only championship trophies in history, and Matsuzaka took both MVPs.

Peterson Orr does not play for the Japanese team.  But neither does he play for ‘ol “4th-place-or-bust” America, who busted in 2006 by finishing outside of the top four.  Thanks a lot, Derek Jeter.  Why don’t you negotiate a contract or something.  Ha, ha.  Ha.  So topical.

Peterson wore the Canadian colors both years (’06 band ’09), being an Ontarian, and probably will again, unless he plans to abandon his natural heritage like an empty maple syrup jug on the side of the Pomona Freeway.

In 2006, the Canadians beat us and seemed to be primed for a series of upsets.  But then neither we nor Mexico allowed them into the semifinals, even though we all had the same record (Runs Allowed, a-hole!)  Orr set a somewhat poor example, going 0-for-7.

“Pete Orr looks like [Canada’s] best middle infield option, and that’s not so good,” wrote Clay Davenport on Baseball Prospectus in 2009.  This time, he gave a blistering interview, in which he classifies the Braves’ management as “nice,” admits to wearing contact lenses, and explains that in the National League, there is no designated hitter

Canada responded to the pressure of playing host by folding in front of 12,000+ fans who were also confused about what spo [I’ve stopped about halfway through this “Canadians like hockey and no other sports” joke, just to save us all an exasperated sigh.  Thanks for reading.]

Even with Justin Morneau (4-for-9), Joey Votto (5-for-9), and Jason Bay, and Peterson Orr of course, the Canadians lost twice in a row, once to us (YEAH REVENGE IS A BITCH ISN’T IT YOU MOTHER FUCthe United States would go on to finish in 4th place, leading to quiet, bullshit introspection regarding our place in the baseball world) and once to Italy, which caught everybody off guard, including the Italians.

Meanwhile, Japan sliced right on through their competition with relative ease.  “The Japanese win with just enough offense, solid defense and great pitching,” the media said (I know “that sounds just like the Giants” so you don’t have to say it).

So Canada was out before you could even present them their 13th place trophy or whatever.

Orr broke his hitless WBC streak in 2009 by going 1-for-12.

Now, why would I bring this up?  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m intrigued by the national pride and genuine disappointment involved in WBC elimination.  Maybe Pete Orr’s play somewhat “petered” out after a ripping fine minor league run.  He brings doses of experience and the ability to play most places on the diamond.

Pete Orr will not be an every day starting middle infielder for the Philadelphia Phillies.  Okay?  Get those dreams out of your head.

But he’s a well-seasoned utility Bill Lucas Award recipient; he’s lukewarmly versatile, he plays hard, and he’s not a dick.  When does that combination of qualities not get you a chance?

Constantly.  But even so.  He’s an extra bullet to have in our back pocket.  And if he can rattle off some of the Braves’ darkest secrets for blackmailing purposes, he will be undoubtedly welcomed into the fold.