“He’s what I needed my whole life and I’m so glad I finally found him.”
No, Rich Dubee has not suffered massive head trauma. Kyle Kendrick just married some woman from reality TV, which is seemingly a rite of passage to the Phillies pitching staff. She couldn’t be happier for some reason.
Cheap shots aside, this socially important headline grabbed a spot in People Magazine (proving the criteria to break into the pages of such a fine publication is to literally just be a “person”) but was clearly overshadowed by that other, even more meaningless “celebrity” wedding, if indeed you consider the retired Eric Johnson meaningless, and Jessica Simpson a celebrity (EDITOR’S NOTE: We do not.) Their reception featured mini-cheesesteaks and the music of Brad Paisley.
Before I have to spend the rest of the night scraping puke out of the cracks in my keyboard, I should warn you that the fact that these slim slivers of information from a wedding nobody cares about are so readily available indicates a staggering volume of horrendously bullshit-minded people in this country.
And before you say, “Hey mister, you’re the one covering the story on your sexy blog,” allow me to counter with “I only did it because I didn’t want to waste that awesome opening Rich Dubee joke I thought of.”
Now, if only one of the Phillies were doing something selfless and admirable with their time; maybe that would be getting tons of coverage.