Let’s Not Hire Barry Bonds as a Hitting Coach


Okay, so, this is a period of transition and all, but I’m  going to skip the hilarious personal anecdote that usually takes up the first 200 or so words of a post and alert you to the fact that someone out there is suggesting that hey!  Why don’t the Phillies just hire Barry Bonds as their hitting coach?

The theory is that Philadelphia could welcome Barry in as a hitting coach with open arms because Mark McGwire was welcomed back to baseball in St. Louis as a hitting coach.

Philadelphia, if you’ll recall, was the town where people dressed up like giant syringes and juice boxes when Barry came around; where they screamed personal, awful things like “YOU JUST COULDN’T LIVE UP TO DADDY, COULD YOU BARRY?!?!” and the less creative “JUST SMACK IT OUT WITH YOUR BIG FUCKING HEAD!!”

This article is written by someone who three times refers to our former first base coach as “Davey Lopez,” whose Baseball Reference page looks a little something like this.

“And if the Phillies do make this move, Bonds would already have a place to live – right here on the Main Line.”

–That same article

Seriously, its late, and I’m tired, and kind of whiskeyed up, so if this site is known for its satire or something and this is all a joke, then my bad.