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Things You Will Learn Reading Articles About the Upcoming NLCS

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1.  The Phillies believe they can beat the Giants.

2. The Giants believe they can beat the Phillies.

3.  This will be a series based mainly on pitching, with whoever’s offense wakes up first tipping the balance.

4.  This will be a series based mainly on pitching, with whoever’s offense wakes up first tipping the balance.  Did you forget?  Don’t.

5.  Bleacher Report remains a festering nest of unskilled, uneducated larvae; their insectoid feelers squirming in the air as their delicate eye adjust to sunlight for the first time.  There’s probably a Bleacher Report in the corner of your unfinished basement somewhere.  You’ll need fire.

6.  Shane Victorino is grabbing and shouting into a lot of microphones:

“I don’t care who’s on the mound, all right?”

“If you don’t win, it doesn’t mean anything.”

“You guys are making [Tim Lincecum] out like he’s king to the world.”

“I’m done,” he said with smirk. “I’m not even going to go (up to hit).”

Press of Atlantic City

What?  Who is “Smirk?”  Is that Rich Dubee’s nickname?  I knew it.

7.  Pat Burrell has played for the Phillies in a playoff run, and now he’s going to play against the Phillies in a playoff run.  Do you see how that works?

Now he just screams at Buster Posey all the time.

[National Post]

8.  You forgot, didn’t you?  This will be a series based mainly on pitching, with whoever’s offense wakes up first tipping the balance.

9.  That Brian Wilson sure is like-ably wacky.

10.  The good stories are buried a little deeper.  For instance, did you know the Phillies once sent Pete Rose to kill Bruce Bochy?

11.  The Phillies have two pitchers in the top five of “most wins by an active MLB pitcher.”  One is Roy Halladay, who is #5 with 167 wins.  The twist?!  First place is Jamie Moyer–with 98 more.

12.  The mayor of San Francisco made the mayor of Atlanta raise a Giants flag over Atlanta’s city hall.

Atlanta’s mayor warns slow job growth threatens the health of the city and the entire metro region.

Fox Atlanta

The menacing gut punch of the “friendly wager” can only be helping East Georgia’s morale.  Oh well.  All part of our nation’s collective plan to watch Atlanta slowly die!

13.  The Giants have set their rotation for the series: Lincecum, Cain, Sanchez.  The Phillies haven’t ophicially (See what I did there? Wait.  Should that have two “ph’s” because there’s normally two “f’s” in “officially”?  Shit, this is why I never do this) announced theirs, but isn’t it funny to joke about how everyone knows it will be Roy Halladay in Game 1?  If I were Charlie Manuel I’d make Kyle Kendrick go out there in a clown suit for one pitch just to dick with people.  No I wouldn’t.  I would be at home, choking to death on my World Series ring, having tried one too many times to “taste the victory.”

14.  Larry Bowa has an opinion, but nobody notices, because he’s not announcing it while jumping up and down, screaming himself hoarse, or finishing the 2 1/2th place in the NL East.

15.  Did you complain about the TBS broadcasters during the divisional series’?  Well get ready to stop doing that!  So you can start doing it about the broadcasters of the NLCS.  Yes, unlike the entire rest of the MLB playoffs, the NLCS is that lucky series being shown on Fox instead.  And you know what that means.  That’s right, the two voices that just popped into your head, one of them oozing incomparable smarm, the other falling down his own words like a staircase with a broken hand rail.

Real Quick ALCS Update:

A.J. Burnett hit two batters in a simulated game today.

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