Breaking News: Philly Sports Fans Really Fired Up About Sports

The favorite newspaper of that guy who wore a suit all through high school ran an article about oh ho ho, how crazy are those folks in Philly with their blue collars and their old people and their local sports teams.

It’s not that I take it personally when newspapers from other places try to talk about the Philadelphia sports scene, its that they tend to write with this blind, slate grey, obliviousness, like they’re really finding out for the first time that “…these fans care about this stuff more than other fans.”

Saying we’re “passionate” is such a G-rated, watered down term.  It’s like when somebody’s dog tries to have sex with your face when you’re asleep and they laugh and say “I warned you he was friendly!”

At least he didn’t bring up the “snowballs at Santa” thing.  I wasn’t even alive for that and I’m sick of hearing about it.

"“Former Philly stars Scott Rolen (baseball), Eric Lindros (hockey) and Terrell Owens (football) ultimately tired of the place.”"

Terrell Owens grew tired of us?  B… but he said it wasn’t personal.  He said it was him and not us.  He said… he said such nice things.  That’s what you come to expect from having a classy, shirt-wearing, leading receiver on your team with more than a kindergartener’s maturity/intelligence level; a guy who, eventually, will outgrow the passionate fans around him because of his oh my god the guy who wrote this article knows nothing about sports.

"“Mitch Williams, the former Phillies closer who famously coughed up a World Series-winning home run in 1993, said fans used to boo him on one pitch and cheer him on the next.”"

Yeah, well, the “one pitch” in question lost the fucking World Series so… sorry for not clapping.

"“‘You could bring in a superstar, and if he just does average he will not enjoy his time here,’ Mr. Williams said.”"

It is pretty nutty for fans of a team to get pissed if a big-money, high risk signing does nothing but shuffle from the DL to a series of miserable plate appearances, I guess.  Other cities, though–they looooooove hurling briefcases full of money into a fire.  And that fire’s name was Danny Tartabull.

"“Mr. McNabb suggested that the Eagles weren’t the kind of team that would turn up its nose at a guy looking to make a fresh start.”"

But continuing to make good starts–no, no.  We don’t want any of that shit.  Get your ass to D.C., “Mr. McNabb.”

"“It’s also possible that Philadelphia is so accustomed to losing that it’s learned to subsist on controversy rather than euphoria.  When the Phillies won the 2008 World Series, it was the city’s first major professional title in 25 years.”"

I’d say we rinse out the bitter taste of losing with the tangy swash of controversy.

"“With all due respect to the Phillies and what they’ve accomplished, it’s a football town,” said Howard Eskin, another WIP host.”"

Amazing how all of the Phillies “due respect” can be given in the time it takes to speak half of a sentence.

I guess being an Eagles fan would make this a bit more objective, but if you think the person writing this is A. objective or B. an Eagles fan, then you are high.  Lucky you.

Anyone who has lived in Philadelphia for the past four baseball seasons could tell you this little utterance is at the very least debatable.  Living in Philly as a sports fan and being enthralled by the Eagles while looking past the Phillies is like starving to death at Thanksgiving dinner because there’s a bird that keeps colliding with the kitchen window.

Sorry about all the Eagles talk and italics.  Guess I’ll go write about the Phillies now.