Over the course of the last few days, the Phillies have made a lot of enemies. Most of them were on the Braves. However, Phillies fans made several trillion more enemies, because we live in an age where the internet exists.
If you thought we Phillies fans were boorish jerks before (I love how I assume people who hate the Phillies read this Phillies blog), wait until we crawl onto the internet, where we can verbally puke on people and not even have punched in the eye by a police captain.
The days surrounding that Braves sweep in particular, Phillies fans trolled the shit out of Braves blogs, for some reason. Honestly I consider Atlanta our secondary division rivals, under the Mets. Not because they’re not worthy or intimidating, but because its the Mets. We’ve been at war with them for decades, chucking flaming garbage up and down the turnpike, while the Braves–who are very good and satisfying to beat–at least aren’t dicks about everything.
But Phillies fans took it upon themselves to really harass Braves forums, which in general, ranks in “classiness” between asking your date to pay for dinner because you don’t actually have a wallet and asking the guy’s date from the table next to your’s to pay for dinner because you’re too handsome to have to do it.
It got to the point that Talking Chop boycotted linking to any Phillies blogs at all (I KNOW SERIOUS SHIT RIGHT).
However, I found myself bookmarking or writing down a lot of quotes this week and realized I had so many more than normal snare my attention that I’ll just go ahead and expose them to you.
“Going to a Nats/Phils game is like going to an execution.” [DC Sports Blog]
And the victim is “baseball.”
“The way Chase Utley slid into second base, I felt like it was time for me to do the same thing he did – slide hard and try to hit somebody.”
Carlos Beltran [NY Daily News]
I’m just… I’m at a loss here. Do the Mets not hear themselves? Because it sounds like they’re 1. Admitting that they haven’t been playing hard all season (duh) 2. Deciding that after seeing how “playing hard” is done, they will finally attempt to emulate it and 3. Failing to do so.
I poke fun at the Mets, sometimes harshly and always relentlessly, but if they were a team that you could respect, I’d at least throw in a compliment between all the vulgarities. But Beltran and Wright just won’t let it go, even though its clear that the Phillies and all of baseball and even their own fans don’t see an issue here. Guys. You suck, on a lot of individual levels. I’d say there’s “always next year,” but with the putrid, whiny disasters that make up that team, there most definitely is not.
God, just… go away and learn how to play baseball beyond the parameters of self-entitled eight-year-olds.
“We walked into a buzzsaw tonight.”
Poor Riggleman. I wrote this down because I imagined him saying it wide-eyed and soaked in human blood. Then again I seem to hallucinate everyone on TV looking like that when I mix this much Nyquil and Dayquil. It makes “Glee” oddly addictive and “Law and Order: SVU” redundant.
“Good times out there tonight.”
There’s been so much “Seriously guys, where the hell are you?” regarding baseball fans in Florida lately, you don’t really know how to react to what prompted Uggla’s…uh, joke. A ground ball went through Gaby Sanchez and then Dan Uggla’s legs on the same play, and… I mean, my god man. No jokes necessary. At least the Rays are literally giving their baseball away.
“I’ve never seen that before.”
–The announcers, right after the Uggla/Sanchez thing.
Anyways, that’s enough behavioral lectures/not Phillies commentary for now. Check back tomorrow for Phillies shit that matters, and also, how about some history lessons on the office of the MLB commissioner on another website but still written by me?