The Phillies official website, the one with all the dancing colors and flash player requirements, sees as its duty to put up whatever grains of optimism that cal be squelched out of a story. When we win, it is easy. The featured video clip gets to be a Chase Utley home run or a montage of Cole Hamels strike outs. When we lose, it becomes more difficult, and we wind up with whatever our offense was able to come up with in that particular game, even if it is just a fugly sac fly to right center off the bat of Brian Schneider in the midst of a 14-1 loss.
You could be correct in assuming that the video updates are provided by an ever-smiling clown in a Phillies jersey, honking his nose and hammering away on his computer, determined to draw the joy out of even the most hideous of losses.
Which is strange, because… I mean, that clown can find the positives in any game, and even he thinks J.C.’s inability to retire a batter in his last three appearances is god-awful enough, he must tell the people.
This is where I’d normally put a picture of a clown or something but no photo of a clown exists that isn’t horrifying.
Phillies 3, Mets 0
Well, this is just how we’re going to have to do this.
With the bullpen’s stability being called into question by a clown I just made up, clearly the Phillies needed another option outside of handing the ball over to one their shakier arms. Roy Oswalt (9 IP, 4 H, 0 ER, 6 K, 2.94 ERA) had just such a solution today against the fourth-place Mets, eliminating the need for relief by pitching a CG and also refusing to allow any Mets to score.
Roy took the lid off his sizzling 4-hit shutout just as the masses were ravenously clamoring for blood. And we got it, in the form of a sliced and diced Mets squad left strewn about the infield, searching desperately for the limbs once attached to their torsos. The Phillis scattered their offense over three innings today, scoring exactly the number of runs they scored yesterday, but the noticeable difference being they managed to win the game.
As everybody knows, any win right now is more than a mere victory, it is a chance to elevate ourselves a bit higher in the standings, and for topnotch analysis of such a divisional we turn, as we always do here at TBOH, to the flawless genius of ESPN.
“…we thought for a while there that once the Phillies leap frogged the Braves into the division lead, that Atlanta might never catch up again. Well, they won on Saturday, and now here we are back in a tie.” –Steve Berthiaume, ESPN
Yes, after that epic, 24-hour struggle in second place, the Braves finally managed to scrape back into first place with the rival Phils. You can just never count out those Braves, I guess, Steve, whether they are seven games ahead or one game behind for an extremely small amount of time.
Except wait, no, we won again today, so now we are back in first place by half a game. Which me we can finally solidify that the mighty Braves have been defeated for good. Sound the victory horn! Prepare the feast! Ready the virgins! This will be a banquet long remembered in the annals of our history!
Unless, you know. The Braves, a very good baseball team, win their very next game. Then, yeah, we’re tied again.
But until then, the war is over! I toast to you, Steve Berthiaume of the ESPN Sports Realm! We’ve finally* done it!
TBOH be tweetin’, bitch.
Image courtesy of Archie Bunker’s Army