“You have to treat them with the same respect as anybody else.” –Ryan Howard on the Mets
Friends, we stand on the verge of yet another Kyle Kendrick start, fueled undoubtedly by terror and unease. These trips are much less like the Joe Blanton-coaster we are forced to ride, in which we are taken down for an inning, then up for five, then back down for the subsequent three. It is more akin to a straight plummet downward, watching sunlight be slowly digested by the shadows of the underworld, and the heat of the earth’s core reminding us that hell does indeed exist, and waits patiently for us at the end of a hanging curve.
So, in these times of bitter remorse for that which has all along felt quite perfectly futile, let us turn to what may actually go well today.
- The Mets will be terrible
Have you ever wandered into a haunted carnival? Slobbering demon clowns scuttling all over the place, cackling maniacally, freed circus animals rampaging, wretched with a long forgotten bloodlust of the jungle?
That may as well be where the Mets hang out these days because not only have they offered an official NL East surrender, they can’t even operate as a team when it comes to public service events. They just float from town to town, wasting ownership’s money–though the brass is clearly far from innocence–and bump into slimy rocks like rotting drift wood.
Its a good time to be a Phillies fan.
- The offense has been okay
I know! I know. Saying that will probably make three or four of them contract rabies from the squirrel living in Jayson Werth’s beard.
But as of late, the Phils have had a bit of that old September feeling, which is to say, their bats have done more than just sit in their cubbie holes, starved for a little contact. Sure, Ryan Howard will still strike out like six times in this series, and it will not always be at the hand of a pitcher who deserved it.
But he when he hits the ball, it may not be a weak pop up or grounder straight into the shift! Its September, that doesn’t happen anymore for some reason! The offense has gone from silent hovering to full on assault mode, and against a stumbling team like the Mets, it is even more sadistic to watch.
- Placido Polanco is a bad-ass
Dude’s playing with a broken elbow. I play like I have a broken elbow when I don’t have one.
- Kyle can only give up so many runs
…by like the 4th inning, when its 9-4 Mets, Charlie will probably take Kyle out, and then we won’t have to see him again for five days, unless they wise up and put Vance Worley in his spot.
Like watching a man bleed to death! Eventually, everybody stops bleeding.
Yup. Too much L4D2.
Image courtesy of Offworld