Half-Ass Off Day Link Dump For You

I didn’t want to limit myself to mere Phillies stories, so while there’s a healthy smattering of them in there, somewhere, don’t hesitate to check out one of the other stories about abusing the elderly or horse penises.

"Dick jokes about animals! I got 'um, you want 'um!"

You’re real challenge is going to enjoying the ones not written by me (like four are).
  • Autumn!  When baseball hits a manically intense final push, skyrocketing heart rates and pitting roommates against each other.  But while MLB forges ahead to its inevitable end, the other major sports begin humming to life as well; and in Philly, that means one thing: many things.
  • Oh, that’s where I left my senior citizen getting tased by police officers at the fair.  There’s a little “Citizens Bank Park security” in all of us.
  • While everything else in the Phillies organization was being awesome/failing, one little trinket of glee was forming that kind of snuck by under the radar:  Brad Lidge isn’t worthless.  Again.  Though he is injured.  Again.
  • Charlie’s been full of inspirational quotes lately.  Love it.
  • This is worth mentioning, right?  Or did ESPN trick me again?
  • “Hi, I’m Luis Castillo.  Do you like veterans of the Iraq War?  I don’t.  Wait, wait, you didn’t hear my reason:  They’re icky.”
  • I mean sure, of course you read this blog, it’s the shit.  But if you need a game recap that’ll plug itself into your veins and pump white hot vulgarities into your heart, give Big Sharkey Show a sniff.
  • Holy shit, look what Nathaniel Stoltz is doing–a really long and involved countdown of the top 100 prospects of 2010. Good luck, buddy.  100 is a very high number.  Just ask my checking account.
  • As you probably know by now, the Green Bay Packers are awesome; but as you may not know, the Packers’ QB used to be that guy from the Wrangler jeans commercials–you know, the ones where everybody saddles up in their favorite Wranglers and becomes so American a game of pick-up football starts next to a truck?  Well, that guy… that guy sucks.
  • Not literally, of course.  Then he would actually have to go to training camp.
  • … and that, children, is why you never make a sworn statement involving horse dicks.
  • This one is my favorite.
  • Go ahead and try to make a scene about a guy grabbing this girl’s tit at a Phillies game.  Seriously.  Because the first half fandom in CBP this year is galaxies worse than any case of celebratory second baseage.
  • Always great to see a topic that joking about got you detention in grade school on the cover of a magazine for Jehovah’s witnesses.  That Dutch Elm is the new epidemic.
  • OMFG LIMBO IS SO COOL WHY IS MY XBOX AT THE BOTTOM OF A RIVER GRRRRRR

FanSided’s MLB Director Wally Fish is saddling up and moving on, which he explains himself on his personal blog.  Wally gets all the credit in the world for never coming to me with complaints, responding to mine with patience and ease, and never flinching when, moments from deadline, I would initiate a conversation over Gchat with something like “How do we feel about boner jokes? The boner in question belongs to Tim Kurkjian.”

Images courtesy of Video Life

Don’t you tweet at TBOH on Twitter, young man.  Just wait until your father gets home.

Topics: Brad Lidge, Dick Jokes, Penny Arcade, Phillies, Ryan Howard, Tasers, Wally, Wondermark

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