If you expected today’s Phillies double header to end with Vance Worley giving up few Marlins despite his best efforts and Roy Oswalt to chuck the more dominant of the two pushes, you were sort of right! Congratulations. If you enjoy immense frustration and weak pop-ups, than congratulations again, because this was the day for you.
Once more, the offense remained caged behind whatever it is that prevents it from freedom on any given day. Watching distantly as other offenses gallop freely on the horizon, enjoying life as they complete their natural duties of hitting and scoring, the Phillies offense releases a small whimper as its memory drifts toward a time of fruitful bearing, when it was releasing its seed with reckless abandon across enemy battlefields all over the league.
Marlins 7, Phillies 1
Phillies 7, Marlins 4
Ha ha, the Marlins couldn’t even score the same amount of runs that we scored when we beat them with the same amount of runs in the second game.
No, of course that doesn’t make any sense, but thanks to another helping of bullshit-pie, the Phillies didn’t do anything on the base paths in the early afternoon game, but felt good enough about the night cap to circle the bases a few times. You squeegee the good out of it, just like every other time you’re left scratching your head; and out of confusion this time, not because of that weird scalp thing you’ve been meaning to get looked at.
One of the first time starters got the win, but unfortunately, it was the one on the other team. Adalberto Mendez may not have showed off his longevity in the first game, hurling through six, only to be felled by a strained quad after the Phillies let him on base. Nice work, fellas.
But he threw well enough to only allow one hit, which is pretty good, I guess, when you consider that his minor league numbers are not that overwhelming. Vance Worley, on the other hand, was more than happy to allow the Marlins a few runs here and there, but I and everyone else was pretty prepared to forgive him on site, the sole reason being that he was Kyle Kendrick, and he was not shitting all over the world.
But it was human cheeseburger Mike Zagurski who put the exclamation point on the day, after David Herndon and J.C. Romero got out of their innings alive. Zag was hitting people with baseballs, and handing over runs, and doing pretty much all of those things that relief pitchers can’t do without this web site throwing a galactic shit-fit.
Now, the second game, the one where the Phillies helped their starter by scoring more than a single run, was the game where we pulled within half a contest of the Braves–who triumphantly lost to the mighty, mighty September Buccos.
Roy Oswalt came out, and… gave up three home runs and four runs and six hits and still won somehow I guess because look up there at the score they apparently came through.
The main difference being, and I sure do hate to repeat myself, but it was that the Phils scared up five runs in one inning, and seven overall, thanks in large part to Chase (2-for-4, 2 RBI), Polly (2-for-4, 2 RBI), and Shane (3-for-5, 1 RBI), and hey look, even Jimmy got in on the act isn’t that cute. Seriously Jimmy you gotta work through this shit, this is a playoff chase and we expect more from you.
Stop laughing, Ryan; don’t even get me started on you (1 H, 3 SO in 8 AB through both games).
The Marlins are hanging around through sheer force of will, despite this race being namely down to the pair of clubs at the top of the heap. An untimely offense on the Phils’ side is never aided by Sam Perlozzo doing his best Steve Smith impression (“There is one rule for a 3rd base coach: ”SEND, SEND, SEND.”) which got even roadrunnin’ Dom Brown x-ed out at home.
But you know the score. A win is a win and half a game is half a game. One more shade of luck and squirt of offense and we’ll be clear of this “second place” mess that’s been haunting us for, you know, pretty much the entire season.
We can’t hide TBOH on Twitter forever, you guys! HE HAD A FAMILY!!!