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Unable to Stop Astros, Phils Beat Padres for Some Reason

There are a lot of words floating around to describe the Phillies right now.  “Lifeless.”  “Inexplicable.”  “Talented.”  Basically the team’s potential does not have a nything to do with how they play.  Why?  Why can the Houston Astros be a a bonafide threat and the San Diego Padres, the team with the best record in the NL, are no match for the awesome power of the Phillies offense  when it is actually being used.

In securing at least a series victory from the Padres, the Phillies are attempting to scuttle back from the humiliation of the last series, and seem to be sort of capable to do it.  What reasons could they possibly have for falling to Brett Myers’ latest foster family but being able to bounce back?  Only a handful of explanations make sense.

  • Wizard’s curse
  • Thought it’d be funny
  • Only way to avoid seeing Brett Myers throw embarrassing temper tantrum
  • Secret addendum to J.A. Happ’s deal was that he gets to be part of sweep in first series back in Philly
  • Everyone distracted by skyrocketing Philly porn scene

“It’s baseball,” Shane Victorino said.


Phillies 3, Padres 1

“We know we have to score more runs than that. We know we have to hit better.”  –Charlie Manuel

As surly teens everywhere have been doing for years, the Phillies know, okay?  They know when curfew is.  They know you don’t like them hanging around with that Thompson kid from around the corner.  They know that drugs are just for rich cool kids and premarital sex is for those same cool kids and that you memorized the mileage on the odometer so you can tell if they say they’re going to put gas in the car and take it across the state line.

So, as the doting, concerned parents standing in the doorway as they take off with their gallavanting hooligan friends, it is our duty to ask, “If you know so well, why don’t you do it?!”

Depending on one miracle every night has its costs; like for instance, losing four straight at home for the first time ever in Citizens Bank Park.  But last night, their miracle man was the underperforming Shane Victorino, who one of the announers explained wasn’t hitting poorly, he just wasn’t getting hits.

Man, if it weren’t for some of these in depth analysts explaining baseball to us, we’d all be sitting here scratching our heads and drooling. Thanks, guys!

Shane was tripling and throwing guys out at the plate to keep the score tied and wow he was just filthy last night.  Along with the always hustling Mike Sweeney (that guy probably gives 110% when he’s walking out to get the morning paper), the Phils managed to desperately piece together a further victory against the Padres.  Which was great to see, but offers questions on either side of the game.  What has to happen for the Phillies to turn it on and keep it on?  Why did the Padres pull a “Phillies” and drop two straight to at home to an inferior team?

Joe Blanton has, at least, started to come together somewhat.  The Padres are a team of tough outs, and Joe held them to one run with six hits and three K’s; no all-star feat, but that’s not really what we want from Joe when he’s out there (thought we would take it).

What in the hell is going on?  I can’t answer it.  If I could, this page would be filled with carefully chosen explanations, based on precise analysis, not pissy little -early afternoon ranting.  Let’s just swallow the Pads whole and hope in doing so, the follies of yester-series may be forgotten in time.

Tags: Charlie Manuel Joe Blanton Mike Sweeney Padres Phillies Shane Victorino

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